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mof2 posted 2/24/2014 18:35 PM

When he bailed we had almost 200 mutual friends between us on FB. At the first of the year, I went in and deleted friends because I want so bad to not feel close to him in anyway. I didn't delete some of his family members because they were so devastated by this. Now I want to but feel bad in doing so. His mom is one of them. She was devastated when he did what he did and blamed herself. She has been married 4 times before and contributes what he did to an unstable upbringing. I love her to pieces, but she is just a constant reminder of the last year. Do I just delete her or talk to her about it before hand?

phmh posted 2/24/2014 18:44 PM

Just delete her.

And maybe pick up a book about codependency. You need to learn to not put others' feelings so far above your own.

She probably won't even notice when you de-friend her. It's not like you get an e-mail when that happens.

Channel your inner Stuart Smalley! You're worth your attentions -- what is best for you? NC!!!

Leia posted 2/24/2014 18:46 PM

My opinion only---I quietly delete people from Facebook. My motto is "Quietly....gone." If she notices, let her pick up the phone and you can explain your feelings toward the matter. I did this a year before everything fell apart to my mother-in-law and sis-in-law. They never called me or ask why they were gone from my Facebook. Again, this is just how I handle the whole Facebook thing.

mof2 posted 2/24/2014 18:48 PM

Oh she will notice. She comments and likes anything I put on FB. I have no doubt she checks my page all the time. I "blocked" her from seeing any of my status updates and she emailed me because she hadn't seen anything and was wondering how I was.

Mom4ever posted 2/24/2014 20:26 PM

You could put her on a restricted list on FB. Then when they look at your page you are still friends but they only see when you update your profile or cover picture.

mof2 posted 2/25/2014 05:56 AM

I deleted her along with the rest of his family and friends. I had to because they were just triggers of remembering him. I asked both my sisters to unfriend them as well. One got mad at me for asking, but did it anyway. I needed them to because she commented on everything any of us put up and it was just another "trigger" for me. I hated having to do it, but had to do it for me.

phmh posted 2/25/2014 06:21 AM

Great job! So proud of you!!!


I know this is so, so hard, but NC = no new hurts. It's the best way to get to indifference, and seeing reminders through her would only have hurt you.

Great job at putting yourself first! What a great post to read as I'm starting my day. You are strong!!!

mof2 posted 2/25/2014 06:29 AM

((((phmh)))) and thank you for the tough love....we need it sometimes. And you are right, really working on not being co-dependent. This journey has put me on a course of one step at a time, but I'm getting there.

phmh posted 2/25/2014 06:39 AM

It can definitely be two steps forward, one step back. Or two forward, three back. But you'll get there!

I know I give tough-ish love because I want to try to help others spare themselves the pain that I went through because I didn't listen. I thought my situation was special, but it really is so textbook. NC NC NC NC NC NC NC. I had to repeat it to myself hundreds of times a day in the beginning. And even then I didn't always succeed.

I was super co-dependent. I always put XWH's needs first. It's tough to get out of that mind-set, but doing so has been instrumental in me creating a wonderful new life for myself. I matter!!! (And so do you!!!)

Anyway, I know that you have a great new life in front of you. In time, you will look back and wonder how you thought you were happy with your cheater. I know that sounds inconceivable, but keep working on yourself and it will happen!

Tons of love and hugs -- you've got this!

mof2 posted 2/25/2014 07:10 AM

I have actually succeeded with NC. I have had NC since November. He actually emailed me and I told him he was an emotional retard and never contact me again. Apparently it worked. NC at all. Deleting his family and friends was just another step. Hugs and love to you phmh!!!!

sparkysable posted 2/25/2014 07:29 AM

Is MIL supportive of XWH and OW?

mof2 posted 2/25/2014 07:47 AM

Not at first, but now she is. The whole family enables him

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