"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott
This is something that you are going to have to address.....even if it falls on deaf ears or you have to deal with a bunch of personal attacks while doing it.
Email to stbx -- "It is my understanding that you wanted me to pay the bills but while reconciling the checking account today, I noticed that 2 bills have been double-paid. We cannot both be paying the same bill without it leading to financial issues for us....so in the future, either forward any outstanding bills to me to pay or let me know when you pay one so that I don't also pay for the same bill."
If he gives you any pushback about this, then: "ok, stbx, let me know which bills you would like to be responsible for handling and that way I'll know not to pay those."
As far as his debit card use.....I wouldn't say anything to him. Just check your account online everyday and notate his expenditures. Trying to get him to tell you about every charge he makes is going to lead to too much brain damage for you. Just do damage control in this area (for now, anyway).
My stbx has done this shit also. I almost double-paid a $14K bill last spring.....because he *took it upon himself* to pay it 'first'.
[This message edited by gonnabe2016 at 11:56 PM, February 24th (Monday)]
In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.