You and your spouse sound a lot like me and my spouse. My FWH is truly remorseful and forever grateful I gave him another chance. He knows how very lucky he is to have me as his wife and yet, like you, he realizes the consequences of an affair are far reaching and forever. He may never get 100% of my heart again.
After reading SI for years, going to therapy, and getting on an anti-depressant, I feel I've finally had my a-ha moment. It's taken 8 years but I'm finally starting to feel grounded and more at peace.
I've finally realized we're in this together. His burden is my burden and vice versa. We're both hurting because of the affair. It's not just about me anymore. It's about him. And it's about us.
I hope in time your spouse will come to some of these same conclusions. With your remorse and insight it sounds like you're on the right path. It'll just take him more time I hope. Be patient.