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lots of "firsts" yesterday

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Leia posted 2/25/2014 03:59 AM

Yesterday was a day of lots of "firsts." Went to the dr and got the tests because that's what responsible adults do. That was a first because STBXWH is the only man I've ever been with. Did the ugly cry in public at the dr's office, and was comforted by a stranger. Have managed to hold it together at all the other public places but just couldn't keep it in when sitting in the waiting room and realizing that not only did STBWXH break the "forsake all others" bit, but he also wasn't around "in sickness and in health." (he says I broke vows, too, but damn if I can figure out which ones). I then came home, had some leftovers for lunch, and had an hour before the kids needed picked up. I needed a nap after all the crying jags. STBXH thinks we're on an "every other week" schedule. He thinks this is his "week" to spend time with the kids. Well, the karma bus came in the mail and he can't drive legally (another along story that I'll skip for now). So, I said I would be driving them. I'm just falling asleep when the rat texts me. He asks if I'm "still available to pick the kids up, or will he have to make other arrangements?" I text back "When have I not been available to pick the kids up?" I said something else, and then texted that since he interrupted my nap, that I'm blocking him from my phone. If he has any questions he can email me. I'm not sure who did the crickets because I never got an email. I get the kids, make dinner, and do my thing. STBWXH was supposed to get home between 6-6:30. That's what he told DS when we went to school in the morning. Those times came and went and DS was a hot mess because he wanted his dad. Save me from living in limbo! But, we got dinner and homework done. I made a quick soup and fed the kids because I'm not going to let my babies go hungry, despite what STBWXH thinks. I also made sure I made something he detests but we all like. So, when he finally does get home at 8:05, he brings tacos. I'm like Yum! and have one. Because you know, it is a taco from the local joint. And it messes with his head. I then retreat to my room and fall in a deep sleep. I'd still be sleeping, but the dogs needed out and well, I think they have chosen me because they follow me up every night. But, that was my day of firsts. Tomorrow more job hunting and a visit with the attorney.

Pass posted 2/25/2014 09:42 AM

That's hard shit, Leia. You handled it well. And if Arsehole wants to bring some tacos, there is no shame in eating them. Tacos are good!

You're going through a lot of badness right now, things that you didn't think you were signing up for when you got married. Just keep taking it a step at a time, and don't be ashamed of showing some emotion. You're NOT some emotionally stunted cheater, so of course you're going to cry!

Leia posted 2/25/2014 10:51 AM

Thanks, pass. You're right--I'm NOT an emotionally stunted cheater!

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