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Newest Member: Brokeninnm38 (61788)

User Topic: back in the day...when triggers die
stretch13
♀ 26894
Member # 26894
Default  Posted: 5:32 AM, February 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i just wanted to post a quick note of encouragement here after being surprised. i just paid for access to my archives from 09 and 2010. i was afraid to see those first posts. i was afraid they'd find triggers that i thought were gone. i thought i'd have some kind of negative emotion. i only read a handful, but stumbled across some of my better self and my worst self and...

...i felt nothing, except that i felt proud of that girl for dealing with everything i was handed. i felt forgiving toward the scared little girl who came in and ranted her most shameful feelings and resentments.

i felt healed. i feel healed. and i dealt with some pretty serious crap. still do (OC's never go away, co-parenting is annoying, xWH is still an idiot, but not so much of an idiot that i can eliminate him from our lives.) the only grief i still struggle with is that i only got a chance to have one child and my chances are gone now. eh. i'm getting over that too.

check out my profile for a story. i remember Jan 1 of 2010. i sat down and told myself to strap in and just survive the year. that it would suck but at the end, i'd have to be in a different place than i was at that starting moment. that year was long. long like i had needles stuck in my eyes the whole time. long and aching with physical, emotional and spiritual pain. it is part of a couple of what i call the lost years.

but my life is great. no kidding. the best it's ever been. you can get there too.

good luck, all of you
stretch13

[This message edited by stretch13 at 5:41 AM, February 25th (Tuesday)]


http://www.facebook.com/hardheadpress
http://www.amazon.com/Eli-Ely-Ezekiel-Tyrus/dp/0986042900/

http://hardheadpress.com/

life must be rich and full of loving--it's no good otherwise, no good at all, for anyone - j. kerouac


Posts: 3929 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: east coast
dindy
♀ 38424
Member # 38424
Default  Posted: 6:19 AM, February 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for sharing stretch13.

And glad to hear you are healing well.


Posts: 459 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: uk
MovingUpward
♂ 14866
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 7:45 AM, February 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You have healed so much in these years. Thank you for reminding everyone how it does it get better.


Posts: 54405 | Registered: Jun 2007
sparkysable
♀ 3703
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 12:53 PM, February 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's definitely the lost years, aren't they? My God, the shit we went through! But here we are!


BW - 40
DD - 7 years old
D-day OW#1 2/2004;D-day OW#2 5/2010
Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.

Posts: 5479 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
Tiffany98
42015
Member # 42015
Default  Posted: 1:04 PM, February 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for sharing guys..i can't wait to get where you guys are. I am so lost right now.

Posts: 20 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Tiff98
stretch13
♀ 26894
Member # 26894
Default  Posted: 1:33 PM, February 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((tiffany98))) i'm sure it seems impossible...but that's why i posted. it seemed that way to me too. stupid time, i wish we didn't "need" it in order to heal...but we do.

on my worst days, i would decide just to survive, and keep my baby alive. at the end, i'd say to myself, "there, time passed." sometimes that's all i had to go on.

you'll get there. in the meantime, keep your expectations of yourself low. this is some kind of crazy-maker.


http://www.facebook.com/hardheadpress
http://www.amazon.com/Eli-Ely-Ezekiel-Tyrus/dp/0986042900/

http://hardheadpress.com/

life must be rich and full of loving--it's no good otherwise, no good at all, for anyone - j. kerouac


Posts: 3929 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: east coast
StillLivin
♀ 40229
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 1:48 PM, February 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm not years out, just several months from DD and 5 months from him walking out on me. Last week, I looked at some of my beginning posts. I see the change in me. I am stronger, I am more confident that I can deal with his crap. I know I'm going to be ok. I still get weepy at times, still grieving some losses and the injustice of how dirty he did me when I was so good to him.
But, I love hearing from the vets how good it is gonna get, cuz some days I relapse and need a boost!
Thanks stretch13. Post very much appreciated!


"Bitch please a good man can't be stolen." ROFLMAO - SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 4396 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
Topic Posts: 7

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