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I am about 7 wks fro dday. I thought total disclosure is absolutely necessary to heal n move on. I got WW take on A. I contacted AP a couple of weeks ago while still very angry. Didnt want to talk to his BS at the time because of my state of mind. She is in same boat i thought and i didn't want to direct anger at her. I waited about 2-3 more weeks until I thought i had all details from WW wife. In fact, i wasnt going to do it at all but one of AP texts REALLY bothered me. He said that he and his BS had an arrangement (told WW the same). He also sai i can talk to her, just be polite. Yes, he is one arrogant, smug MF. The more i thought of it the more it bothered me.
What kind of woman would allow this? Does she care one bit about contributing to the destruction of other families? What damage to their own (emotionally disturbed) child? I mean WTF!!!!
So today, i just had to call. I did want to compare notes to chk WW facts given to me. But, I would've been happy with asking just 1 question...Were you really ok with your husband doing this or is that just part of his bullshit?
I call and he answers, i politely tell him why i am calling as we talked about via txts and he said was ok. Anyway, she gets on and starts yelling at me and wouldn't let me say a word. He then texts me that i should've asked any questions 3 wks ago and they are moving on.
I don quite know what make of it. Guess some BS think ignorance is bliss. I do not. I am know left with only 1 side of the story and am so upset by the call that i want to send her copies of his online emails, profiles and ads, texts, phone records etc... While i wasnt angry with her before, i am starting to think she is only upset because now the crap has actually landedon her doorstep too. I am floored. WTF!!!!

This guy has had a chance to convince his wife that nothing happened, and that she may get a call from "this crazy husband of a friend". You'll have a hard time convincing her.

You've sent your evidence. Now you should stop trying to make contact. If you keep trying, you may find yourself in trouble for harassment.

Unfortunately, you may never find the whole truth. That's something that many (most? all?) of us have had to deal with. Sorry you have to deal with that.

I haven't sent yet, but really want to now. Having a friggin anxiety attact now over this

I understand. I handled EVERYTHING wrong in what I thought was the reconciliation period. I had no leverage to try to get answers, and to this day I have no idea how deep the betrayal went, or how long it went on. And I will never know, so of course I assume the worst - that she screwed everything that moved for our entire marriage - and it's not a ridiculous idea that the worst could be what actually happened.

My shrink tells me that I have to make it not matter anymore. Since we're divorcing, I expect that will eventually be the case, but it will take a while. I'm not there yet.

If you're trying to reconcile, then she has to give you the whole truth, and nothing but. If you're divorcing, you may have to make peace with your ignorance, as I have.