I understand. I handled EVERYTHING wrong in what I thought was the reconciliation period. I had no leverage to try to get answers, and to this day I have no idea how deep the betrayal went, or how long it went on. And I will never know, so of course I assume the worst - that she screwed everything that moved for our entire marriage - and it's not a ridiculous idea that the worst could be what actually happened.
My shrink tells me that I have to make it not matter anymore. Since we're divorcing, I expect that will eventually be the case, but it will take a while. I'm not there yet.
If you're trying to reconcile, then she has to give you the whole truth, and nothing but. If you're divorcing, you may have to make peace with your ignorance, as I have.
Two sons: 2000 and 2003
Cheating louse: What's her name again?
Finally divorced Jul/17
The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous!