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Karma bus, hm

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norabird posted 2/25/2014 10:51 AM

I got a voicemail from the management of the apartment where I moved in with my exWBF. I was added onto the lease when I moved in though obviously I'm not there now. The message said that February's rent hadn't been paid yet. The woman said they already left a message with the ex, so I'm staying out of it.

I almost would rather not know because I think too much about him anyway (not feeling especially sad, just mulling it all over). I feel like he has made these choices--to cheat, to lie to me, to disrespect and end our relationship--without considering that every decision has consequences. Such as being alone (he wrote last week to say he misses me--gosh, who would have guessed that alienating the person who loves you most is lonely?), and not having someone chipping in rent (though I only paid 25% since I earned less), and having to pay a few hundred dollars for my moving and storage costs.

On the one hand I'm glad that he's clearly not managing everything very smoothly. But I'm looking forward to when he no longer lives there and I don't know anything about his new situation, since it just drives me to speculation.

sparkysable posted 2/25/2014 10:54 AM

If you are on the lease, and the rent does not get paid, they WILL come after you for it. How long are you on the lease for?

MissMovingOn posted 2/25/2014 10:59 AM

Ditto what SS said. If your name didn't get taken off the lease, you might be on the hook for unpaid amounts regardless of whether you still live there.

norabird posted 2/25/2014 11:10 AM

I should have thought of that huh! Called them back and let them know I've moved out, they don't seem inclined to be aggressive but I'm going to see if they can remove me from the lease. Oh the joys.

norabird posted 2/25/2014 16:26 PM

The management company is sending me a 'surrender' agreement to formally remove me from the lease. So soon it won't be a potential problem for me.

But now it's about struggling against the co-dependent urge. The 'what on earth is he doing and how can I inform him that whatever financial decisions he's making right now are stupid?' thing.

I know it's not my problem. If he wants to pay rent late, or not pay rent at all and just move out when the lease ends, it's nothing to do with me.

I just feel the old habit rising up. I used to get after him in the past when he was making stupid decisions about logistics, money, planning, priorities...all the poor choices I felt he made that I tried to correct to get him to see the error of his ways.

I don't like that pattern. And I'm not his girlfriend anymore for the very good reason that he fired me. It's not a job I want anyway, rationally.

So how do I stop wishing I could tell him to pay his rent or feeling the desire to engage about his money management?!

BtraydWife posted 2/25/2014 18:42 PM

You could tell him to pay the rent but he doesn't listen to you remember? So the question becomes SHOULD you tell him to pay the rent?

He is not going to change his bad habits until he has to deal with the consequences of them. You haven't been helping him. You have been protecting him from the natural consequences of his actions/inactions.

That said, even after having consequences many don't make a change. THIS is the part that is not your problem. It's his choice to make life harder for himself. You can't stop him.

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