You two are reclaiming each other.
Mr. Happy and I have always enjoyed sex together. And we had lots of HB. Now, the frequency has slowed but it has not stopped.
It stopped during his A.
Try not to think so much about it and just enjoy each other.
Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.
That said...I wouldn't be willing to go back to a once a quarter type deal. So, you might want to be watchful and work on that in counseling.
Jovie - I'm worried since HB is a "thing" that is somewhat common, that it might be a phase that ends. What's everyone's experience with it? If it ended, why?
LF and I had a very active love life prior to my EA and yes, HB was very much present in the marriage afterwards given consideration that I was working on a FIFO rotation overseas for two years. After I came home 4 years ago, the frequency slowly started to decrease to about an average of once a week. Which given our work schedules, wasn't indicating any lack of interest as much as it reflected time and energy issues.
Sadly enough, in the past two years, that frequency has started to decline again as LF is now struggling with initiating or being assertive with her sexual feelings nowadays due to intimacy issues with our relationship. I suspect that has a lot more to do with our particular situation and is not nor can not be taken as a predictor for your own experiences.
Like Getting to Happy said, try not to over-think it too much and enjoy.
We were lame-os pre-D-Day having sex 1-2x month and when I look back it was like in the early stages of our marriage too. We almost seemed shy with one another. During the A, I was completely turned off from him but didn't know why. Weird eh?
And then...HB! Wow. I remember 5x in one 15-hour period! It slowed down after 3 months. We are much more regular now. It's something we need to protect bc I never want to go back to how things used to be.
So...soak it up and don't be afraid when it slows down.
I remember 5x in one 15-hour period!
Yeah, that was HB for us!
[This message edited by steadfast1973 at 1:47 PM, February 25th (Tuesday)]
“No, Lord,” she said.
And Jesus said, “Neither do I. Go and sin no more.”
I don't think it is HB at this point -- it is more that we are far more intimate outside the bedroom, and we figured out why I wasn't feeling much desire before, even though I always loved my H and found him attractive.
It wasn't rocket science -- it was just both of us being more vulnerable, and him making me a priority.
It has been a godsend, and I am grateful every day for it.
Honestly, I still have a difficult time being intimate with WH six months later. It sucks. Although, we weren't extremely active before DDay (a few times a month, sometimes more,) and it had been that way for many years. It's still that way. I keep trying to put more effort forth, but it's really very hard.
WH recently (within a few months)admitted that he's a SA and I think that has had a LOT to do with my intimacy issues in our relationship... he may not have been cheating, but he was looking at porn on a regular basis and that makes me almost physically ill. I never had a problem with it until after Dday... now it's not to have any place in his life at all.
We are over a year out, and average 5 times a week, often twice a day. There are times where I feel my old fears rear-up, I used to feel so much pressure and so inadequate at fulfilling my H's needs. Now I know what kind of relationship I want, and if I'm feeling worried, I check myself internally. I think about how wonderful sex is, and am able to make myself realize that this is safe and feels good! I am open to my H even if I'm feeling a little tired, and the closeness that it creates between us is incredibly sexy to me.
When I worry about it being HB, I fear that I'm going to feel the way I used to about sex; like it's a duty, always wondering if I'm doing it enough, wondering if I was being a strong woman etc. Now I just give in to the release of sex with a man I love. I deny insecurities and flashes of the OW, and they lessen constantly - so I assume there will be a day when those thoughts are not with me at all.
So, in order for me to be happy right now, I'm not calling our intimacy HB. I'm calling it beautiful and loving. And it feels great!
Are we still in HB? No. ;( quite depressing if you ask me. Sure wish we could experience it again and find way to never lose it... Miss that time of intimacy and connection...
I think once the full reality sinks in, it probably slowly starts to disappear.