Welcome Polly! I'm so glad you've found SI, but I'm sorry for the reason you are here. If you haven't already, check out the BS Facts and articles in the healing library (yellow box on upper left side of page).
I read your profile and feel your pain. So your WH just ended his A when he moved back home a couple of weeks ago? If so, he is likely extremely foggy.
Has he sent a NC letter/text? Be prepared for the ow to continue contacting/trying to contact your WH. I would make it absolutely clear that contact with ow in any way, shape, or form will not be tolerated.
Also, there should be 100% transparency - your WH and his cell phone, email, social media, cell phone records, bank statements, etc. should be an open book.
In your profile you said:
I told him that I could still see a future for us, in the distant future. After many, MANY changes on his end.
but in your post above it sounds like all you guys have discussed since he returned home are changes that YOU need to make. Some freaking nerve bringing up clutter when just weeks ago he was still fucking ow!
You deserve SO much better. Don't be afraid to demand it. If your WH doesn't step up to the plate then he shouldn't get the benefit of keeping such an amazing wife. Sending you (((hugs))) and strength.