We had a brief call yesterday morning dealing with something a family member posted on FB about the state if our marriage.
No silence. He told his family. Spoke to his mother and brother briefly last night. They are mad, and sad. His mother was crying asking if there's any way we can fix(I said no).
So now I so badly want to reach out to him. I know it is bad because:
1. I am moving forward, that is looking backwards
2. He likely will say something to anger me, or ignore me
3. He may look for sympathy (his mom feels so bad for him-puke)
4. He is probably banging one of his disgusting trolls any way.
I need to do something to remind myself of how he's treated me and why I am leaving. I haven't really missed him yet until now. Of course, I miss what I thought, not what was.
I agree with Leia that a list of his actions helps keep you grounded in the reality of his behavior instead of the fantasy of what you wish could be.
Stay strong. You'll get there. Do something nice for yourself as a distraction if you can.
But it's still hard. It just hit me I will never drive home again. Never hug him, never watch another movie. The idea of doing that now makes me feel ill. It's a hard emotion to explain.
I miss what I thought I had and what I wish I could have, but at the same time the idea of it makes me feel awful.
[This message edited by norabird at 4:36 PM, February 25th (Tuesday)]
This is part of the grieving process, honey. You have to grieve it all - the past, the future, the everyday routines, the inside jokes, the shared history... all of it.
It will take a while, but it will get better. I promise. ((((roar))))
“The most difficult times for many of us are the ones we give ourselves.”
― Pema Chödrön
Don't worry about his mom. He's her baby, and she will always want to see the best in him. Even Hitler's mom loved him. That's doesn't mean you have to be Eva Braun and destroy yourself to be with him.
Try to enforce your boundaries with WH and his family. It is no longer your problem what family members post on FB. You can always 'unfollow' 'unfriend' or 'block' people who upset you.
If his mom and brother want to continue a relationship with you as friends, fine. But their problems with WH are not your concern, just as your problems with WH are not theirs.
The first days of separation are hard enough without adding InLaws to the mix. Maybe it would be best to tell them that you need time to heal before they make any further contact with you.
Double Betrayal D-Day 7/26/2013