ON MATH
A teacher asks her class, 'If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?'
She calls on little
Ralphy.
He replies, 'None, they
will all fly away with the first gunshot.'
The teacher replies,
'The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.'
Then little RALPHY says,
'I have a question for YOU.'
There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream:
One is delicately
licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.
he second is gobbling
down the top and sucking the cone.
The third is biting off
the top of the ice cream.
Which one is married?'
The teacher, blushing a
great deal, replied, 'Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and
sucked the cone.'
To which Little RALPHY
replied, 'The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on, but I
like your thinking.'
LITTLE RALPHY ON
MATH
Little RALPHY returns
from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
'Why?' asks the father?
'The teacher asked 'How
much is 2x3,' I said '6', replies RALPHY.
'But that's right!' says
his dad.
'Yeah, but then she
asked me 'How much is 3x2?'
'What's the fucking
difference?' asks the father.
'That's what I said!'
LITTLE RALPHY ON
ENGLISH
Little RALPHY goes to
school, and the teacher says, 'Today we are going to learn multi-syllable
words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?'
RALPHY says
'Mas-tur-bate..'
Miss Rogers smiles and
says, 'Wow, little RALPHY, that's a mouthful.'
Little RALPHY says, 'No,
Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob.'
LITTLE RALPHY ON
GRAMMAR
One day, during lessons
on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could
use the word 'beautiful' in the same sentence twice.
First, she called on little Suzie, who responded
with, 'My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful
In it.'
'Very good, Suzie,'
replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.
'My mummy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned
out beautifully.'
She said, 'Excellent,
Michael!' Then the teacher reluctantly called on little RALPHY.
'Last night at the
dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant', and he said
'Beautiful, just fucking beautiful!'
LITTLE RALPHY ON
GETTING OLDER
Little RALPHY was
sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another.
After the 6th one a man
on the bench across from him said, 'Son, you know eating all that candy isn't
good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat.'
Little RALPHY replied,
'My grandfather lived to be 107 years old.'
The man asked, 'Did your
grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?'
Little RALPHY answered,
'No, he minded his own fucking business.
[This message edited by really trying at 5:20 PM, February 25th (Tuesday)]
