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180 & illness

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StuckinNJagain posted 2/26/2014 05:01 AM

My WW has always been a hypocondriac (sp) for as long as weve been together. Gotten worse over the years. I learned to deal with it. However, since dday 1 I really get upset by it. Ive always looked at it her seeking attention and sympathy. But I dont understand why it makes me angry now. I realized years ago that no one can get sick in any way without her getting it at some point. Even it isnt something communicable. Latest example is neighbor down street had whooping cough. WW has now been coughing for months since then. Gets various meds from dr but still ongoing. I feel it is in her head as i do with most of her ailments. I do feel wrong for not showing more sympathy or helping care for her more sometimes. But especially since dday #2, it is to the point that i get resentful and totally ignore her/it. I am trying so hard to deal with the As and trying to heal myself. Trying to fing a therapist and currently riding the dreaded rollerccoaster. Think the 180 is making me rrealize the the sicknesses are a trigger though not certain. I dont express any concern at all now and it bothers me. Moreso my kids seem to know this too and that REALLY bothers me. Worried about their perception of my indifference. Is this normal? Is it just part of the roller coaster ride? I feel that i have been hurt so bad and dont feel she deserves any sympathy from me at all but my gut tells me otherwise.
Has anyone else experienced this sceario?

SI Staff posted 2/26/2014 12:49 PM

Bumping so others can read and respond.

cvs2kkids posted 2/26/2014 13:20 PM

Hi Jagain,

First of all, you're so close to DDay, you have little to no control over your emotions, only your actions.

There's not a lot on your backstory to go by, but here's my take;

1) Your kids are a pretty good age. In fact, one of her A's was with your child's friend's parent. They may be keenly aware of the A.
2) Without getting into details with them, I would say something along the lines that "Mom and Dad aren't getting along right now. We are both here for you, but not for each other".
3) You can be a bit sympathetic without being emotionally involved. I personally think it's good to display sympathy.
4) I wouldn't let yourself be a sounding board, just to offer to help if she really needs it.
5) No guilt in being emotionally removed. She's the one who caused it, not you.

Whenever there's children involved, you need to be somewhat sensitive. They can't be used for emotional blackmail by either parent, but at the same time, the kids deserve to have both parents treated with respect in front of them.

My WW is also a hypochondriac. But even before the A, I tuned it out. In the cases where it became something more, I showed true empathy.

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