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Bad few days

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Mumof3 posted 2/26/2014 05:30 AM

Really struggling today. Feel like I hardly have the strength to write this post. WS is normally trying hard and we have been doing ok I think. However he is suffering from low self esteem and depression which he dips in and out of (this is what seems to have led to the affair)... He's on a downer at the moment and I've been trying to help him but I'm so insecure that I still have to ask for reassurance back even though he's feeling low. He has told me this is making it 'about me' and this is making me feel paralysed. Last week I felt like we were gonna make it. Today I feel like leaving. What the hell do I do? We have 2 small children 5 & 3. D day was 6 months ago. He is having IC and we are doing MC and like I say when he's good he's doing everything right. But he's a different person when he's low and I feel I can't cope with this. He is refusing to take anti depresents. Sorry for the rant just really struggling x

veronique12 posted 2/26/2014 06:43 AM

Hi Mum. Want you to know you've been heard. I don't have experience dealing with a partner who is clinically depressed and I can only imagine how tough it is not to receive reassurance from him when you're trying to recover from his infidelity. I'm sure someone with more experience with what you're going through will answer your post soon. Just wanted to send hugs.

KatyDo posted 2/26/2014 08:01 AM

I can relate as lots in our marriage was "all about him": his problems, his issues, his lack of responsibility etc etc. I think you need to make sure you are taking good care of yourself when he can't.

KatyDo posted 2/26/2014 08:01 AM

Sorry hubby came in as I was typing. I think you have justified concerns regardless of his issues - and it is a manipulative ploy on his part to claim that you are making it all about you during those moments. My WH does this sometimes still, and used to do it a lot. Don't let it get you off course, stay true to your own instincts.

That being said, sometimes you need to spend time with others who don't have a history of damaging you in order to get some perspective on a destructive relationship. It will hopefully give him a reality check that you are taking care of yourself and not at your own expense (instead of taking care of him at your expense). But the important thing is to feel what it is like to be nurtured by someone in a healthy way (obviously not cheating) but just interact in a sane way that reminds you what your own value is.

Hope this helps I speak from experience.

[This message edited by KatyDo at 10:44 AM, February 26th (Wednesday)]

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