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Newest Member: Itali614 (61544)

User Topic: What do you with you had known or done
♀ 42110
Member # 42110
Default  Posted: 9:09 AM, February 26th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think that I am on the road to D and getting closer every day. So I would like to ask everyone that is separated/divorced, what do you wish you had known/done before filing? What would you have done differently in retrospect?

Me -BW
Him - WH
Dday 7/11/2013
DS - 12 and DD - 16

Posts: 334 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast
♀ 42510
Member # 42510
Default  Posted: 9:23 AM, February 26th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you have a household safe, get it out of the house in a secure location. Also, I moved all the tax documents and financial documents I could lay my hands on to a friend's house. Take your half out of the joint bank account--I got cleaned out. File first, and be sure you change the locks. I'm living in legal limbo and he's a roommate. Don't do that. Call all credit cards and close them/have your name removed from the account. Don't leave your purse lying around in its normal location--he went through that, too. Check your state's laws and file first, file first, file first. Best of luck to you.

"Somebody get this walking carpet out of my way." Princess Leia, Star Wars

Posts: 296 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Kansas
♀ 18234
Member # 18234
Default  Posted: 9:27 AM, February 26th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I absolutely,positively,would have used a mediator to get most of the divorce details together first,much cheaper.The mediator can do almost everything and the attorney can just finialize for you .I definitely didn't understand this as an option back then,money just vaporizes when the attorneys are involved.

Posts: 315 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: east coast
♂ 32258
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 9:33 AM, February 26th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would have avoided in-house S like the plague. It really does suck. I only had to deal with it for a few months but it felt like time stood still. If you can get your WS to leave or get exclusive use of the home if you are keeping it I recommend doing it. Or if you want to move out if WS is keeping the house that works as well. Also make sure you get copies of ALL relevant documents prior to filing. I'm talking SS cards, prior tax returns, copies of bills, birth certificates, passports, medication, and anything else you think is important.

[This message edited by 7yrsflushed at 9:34 AM, February 26th (Wednesday)]

D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Divorced 9/2/14 and loving life!

Posts: 2211 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
♀ 27148
Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 9:38 AM, February 26th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wish i would have realized i needed counseling due to the situation, way before I stared IC.

Someone I once loved gave me/ a box full of darkness/ It took me years to understand/ That this, too, was a gift. - Mary Oliver

Posts: 4636 | Registered: Jan 2010
♂ 41457
Member # 41457
Default  Posted: 10:14 AM, February 26th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wish I had filed for D on August 13, 2013, the day after I found out about all the texting and phone calls. It just took my heart too flipping long to catch up to my brain. I KNEW what the texting & phone calls meant, but I didn't want to believe it. I'd be D by now if I would have done that. Or, I would be R. Shock and awe is the best way (hindsight is 20/20) to break the fog.

Whatever, looking forward to happy days ahead!

Posts: 414 | Registered: Nov 2013
♀ 32554
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 10:55 AM, February 26th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wish I had filed for divorce as soon as I knew he was a cheating bastard. I wish I wouldn't have bothered with limbo/false R and MC, as it was a complete waste of time, money, and emotional pain. False hope is a bigger bitch than karma.

Me = BS
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!

Posts: 10722 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
♀ 14759
Member # 14759
Default  Posted: 11:29 AM, February 26th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Make sure you are well versed in all the finances. Make copies of investment, pension plan, life insurance, banking or any other asset statements. Also make copies of all debts owed. Keep track of all living expenses incurred.

Get your ducks in a row. Have a plan. There's nothing worse than sitting in a lawyer's office and not having an idea of what you're going to do.

Married 26 years
DDay #1 2/2002
DDay #2 6/2012
Gave him his second chance and he blew it.
Divorce final: 9/9/2014

It's hard to see the road ahead if you're always looking in the rear view mirror.

Posts: 714 | Registered: May 2007 | From: California
Topic Posts: 8

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