SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I was just reading a topic in General that got me thinking about this subject. Please both men & women chime in.

What non-sexual things make you feel loved?

My SO makes dinner for me. He rubs my feet when they are cold. He rubs my shoulders when they are sore. He calls or sends me a text throughout the day just to check in and say "Hi!" He frequently tells me he loves me. We always kiss good morning and good night. He opens doors for me - goes out of his way to open my car door - every time. He holds my hand when we are walking in public or just sitting on the couch watching TV. I feel loved every single day.

What about you?

NL

Not being funny, but if I ever decide I want to date again, my possible future man has to be like my cats.

They run to the door when they hear my car, didn't run for STBXH SUV. Both are waiting and rub all over me and try to jump in my arms for more loving and cuddles.

If I am quiet too long, like doing homework, the oldest comes over and gives more cuddle time and meows at me to see if I'm ok.

They are ALWAYS happy to see me. Sometimes the oldest talks back (I'm not crazy, I fuss at him and if he doesn't like me telling him no he is very vocal about it...cracks my neighbors up when they witness it), but for the most part he is pretty cooperative and always compromises.

They want to always be around me, but don't always have to smother me.

They don't hog up the bed, sleep in their own little space, but in the middle of the night might jump on me and snuggle mugs me or give my ears and forehead kisses, and then go back to their respective spots on the bed.

They always share. If one catches a bug, he leaves half at the door. They always shares toys too and wants me to play with them. They don't get mad at me if I'm too busy to give him a lot of undivided attention so long has they can just curl up beside me they are happy!

Their love is unconditional, I don't need to wear make up, I could have bad breath, smell from working out, and not have a stitch of make up on. I am accepted, nay, adored by my fur babies!

Ahhhh, why can't men be more like our fur babies!

I love it! I have a furbaby and he is jealous of my SO. They actually fight over me. The cat will be curled up on the ottoman but as soon as SO sits down beside me, the cat is right there and wants to get BETWEEN us, not just on my lap where he is welcome. It's hilarious.

Before SO came into my life, my furbaby was my boon companion - just as you said, there to greet me each time I came home, full of unconditional love, and sometimes a slight pain in the ass! SO is not fond of my cat, be he knows the score - cat was with me before he showed up and cat isn't going anywhere!

NL

Someone who cares about me but does not want to take care of me.

Someone who gives me 'that' look--the one that only we two know what it means.

Someone I don't have to constantly apologize to for having to work or having other obligations and for whom I do the same--yet we both occasionally do make apologies, albeit brief and without guilt.

Someone who will take my hand or put his arm around my shoulders in the presence of his friends. It doesn't have to be an overt gesture, just very easy like it's the most natural thing in the world.

Someone with whom I can sit and read, sew or knit while he watches a show that I'm not really interested in, just so that we can be close but not have to share every single experience.

SO is not fond of my cat, be he knows the score - cat was with me before he showed up and cat isn't going anywhere!

Loud roar of applause.

He must be selfless, willing to put my needs before his own. He must be humble and not need others admiration or adoration because my respect and admiration is more than enough! He must be willing to give me the good spot in the bed and rub my feet and back once in a while. He doesn't have to like everything I like or want to do everything I want to do, but is a good sport about doing the things I like 50% of the time. To really make me feel loved, he has to be willing to have my back. That means, if his mother, sister, brother, friend, whomever, gives me flack, HE will step up and defend me so that I don't have to. I can take care of myself, but it shows me he is protective and not conflict avoidant. STBXH never defended me against anybody.

ETA: Oh yeah, and even if he thinks birthdays or Valentine's Day (or whatever day) are stupid, he wants to do something special for me because he knows to me it is important and that's all that matters to him, that he can make me smile and wants to make me smile! Matter of fact, making me happy should be the most important thing to him!

[This message edited by StillLivin at 5:13 PM, February 26th (Wednesday)]

My SO was here for a couple of weeks in the 1st half of this month. He offered to be here to help with moving my mom to a retirement community, because he wanted to make sure someone was here to take care of me during an incredibly stressful situation. At 9:30 the night of the day of the move, when SO and I were back at my house and already in our pjs, I got a call from my mom's new place and before I was even off the phone, SO was heading to change back into his clothes because he heard me say that I'd be there (at mom's) as soon as I could get there. There was no asking if I needed him to go with me. He just started getting ready to go, so I wouldn't have to deal with my mother by myself.

He probably has no idea just how loved that made me feel.

Inconnu, you really do have the best SO

I don't even know. I truly have no idea what it would take for me to feel loved.

I know, lieshurt. I am such a lucky, lucky woman.

Watching the sun rise and set

Super kind people

An old friend hearing your voice and calling you back to see how was your day

Hugs from loved ones or a smile from a child

The uncontrollable laughter of kids when they are being silly

Following Up in all areas of life

Wonderful family and friends!

I would love someone to just take the time to know me. To understand and appreciate why I love music so much, why I have no favorite foods bit I have a favorite color and flower. To understand that I am not super girly creative but I like super girly creative things. Someone to make me laugh and hold my hand. Someone who would be proud to be with me in public and not treat me like a dirty, little secret. Someone who is grown up and doesn't cheat. All of that and so much more can make me feel loved.

One of the biggest things ... I have learned to love myself and this is what makes life so much better.

By loving myself I have found the most perfect person that balances my life. It is not that my life is lacking but he adds a quality that enhances every aspect of it.

He's completely unselfish, for example this past weekend was his birthday dinner and in the middle my phone was lighting up in my pursue. I hadn't noticed since I had stepped away to the restroom ... but he did and knew it was my youngest son (my son and girlfriend were expecting their first baby together) SO reached into my pursue while I was away and answered it ... the rest of the dinner shifted to a grand-baby surprise. SO insisted that we cut dinner short to get to my apartment to video chat with my youngest son (and his family). But while paying for dinner SO called my oldest son and his girlfriend and my daughter and her boyfriend to make sure they were also available to chat ... So when we finally got to my place all my kids and their SO's were on-line waiting for us to join their chat so we could all be together to bring the new little one into the family.

This was a huge loving memory ... and there is just so much more my SO does to let me know that I am loved ...

I feel loved when:

- I get unexpected mail from friends/family.

- my kids want to sit in my lap.

- my parents call to check on me.

- a song comes on the radio that reminds me of SO.

- I'm at game night with my friends, especially when we're laughing!

I feel loved when people are thoughtful.

When someone remembers the random little things.

That has been a big one with the latest guy. I mention something really trivial and he will remember it and not make a big deal of remembering it, but incorporate it. Like, say I told him that I LOVE tomatoes, the next time I visit, he would be sure to have tomatoes in the house. Really, every time.

I love this thread. Really makes you think about the blessings amongst all this mess, doesn't it?

From my kids, the fact that even at 12, my DS wants to "cuddle" in my bed at night before he goes to sleep. This is precious time to me that we laugh at pinterest "humor" posts, he makes me watch annoying Youtube bmx biking videos, and I in turn make HIM watch special effects makeup videos, lol...

When the littles, DS5 and DS8 run into the house from the bus yelling MOM! All happy to see me like. And when I get the random cuddles and hugs and unnecessary "I love you's". And the fact that DS5 randomly brings me gaudy ass jewelry he's found when out with their dad and he's made him buy for his mom and comes home to "present" it to me and tell me that I can be the queen,

When DS8, who is NOT a cuddler AT ALL, gives me a kiss on the cheek and lets me poke his adorable freckle before bed...

SO: everything. We have known each other since we were 9. I truly feel that if certain circumstances hadn't happened in my early 20's, me and EX would have naturally run our course and me and SO would have ended up dating again and eventually together for life. He is funny and great at making me smile or laugh when I am stressed. He is patient and understands how I function. He takes care of both me AND my boys when I can't and genuinely enjoys it. Sunday afternoon I had the migraine from hell and had a week of one kid sick after another so the house was a disaster. I woke up from a 2 hour nap to a clean house and he and DS12 were working on plans to go to home depot and build a PVC bike rack for the garage to organize the boys things. He takes my little random statements and turns them into reality and brings the color to my world.

So many things...

When BananaGirl14 and I hang out together every night trading lives on Candy Crush and cracking up at Doge memes

When BananaGirl17 chases me around, gobbling like a turkey (which is both funny and creepy )

How BananaGirl11 still holds my hand when we're walking somewhere

When my friends and I connect over both goofy and serious things

The way SO texts me the same sweet message every night right before I go to sleep

... and so many other things.

I really am blessed.

What - no menz? I'm really curious. What makes you feel loved?

NL

This thread makes my heart smile!

Like, say I told him that I LOVE tomatoes, the next time I visit, he would be sure to have tomatoes in the house.

This same thing happened to me. I always order lemon for my water at restaurants. From the very first time I went to newguy's house - he has had lemons there for me. All cut up in a little Tupperware container for my water. It is a really little thing but makes me smile every single time.

I commented on it and he said he doesn't understand why some people just don't make effort for people in their lifes. Especially if it is something so easy like lemons.

To be thought of and appreciated.