1) You didn't do anything, he did it all. Accept no blame.
2) I would call bullshit on never doing anything. Gay sex is easy to find.
3) See #1
4) Go through healing library in upper left corner. A lot of great material.
6) Once he was found out, you should have DEMANDED 100% access to phones, craiglist accounts, emails etc. This is called transparency. You are not nosey as he's fucking you around
7) See #1
8) IC for you right away. In addition to the Trauma (that's what it is)of an A, add in the added trauma of LGBT spouse coming out.
9) See #1
If he does not follow #6, I would pull out immediately. This is a very high risk situation.
Ask yourself, he's either gay or Bisexual, did you not see this? If not, how well did you really know him.
BTW, see #1
Hugs for you my dear..and welcome to the ride from hell!!
6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your min
YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT IN THE WORLD TO LOOK AT HIS PHONE - HE HAS LIED AND BETRAYED YOU AND PUT YOU AND YOUR BABY AT RISK OF DISEASE - AND HE HAS THE NERVE TO "FLIP"?
Do not...I repeat...DO NOT feel guilty for looking at his phone - he should be BEGGING you to look at his phone so he can at least prove he's not using it continue lying to you.
...oh, and if he flips...so what, who cares? Let him flip all he wants. Stand your ground.
To add to the list above, please stop having any intimate contact with him. You could be putting your own life in danger.
When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE him.
OC born 2001
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)
Having had a surprise gay husband myself once, this isn't something you can fix. And whatever you do don't walk on eggshells with him trying to fix it. He had a moral obligation to tell you if he was gay or bisexual not just before you got married but before you dated. The fact that he's continued to do this after you confronted him speaks volumes. If your family breaks up it is entirely his doing, and not yours. Keep in mind that the impact on your daughter will be far less at 7 months than 7 years should your marriage end. So as hard as this is for you, you might be making a better choice to end it now for your daughters sake.
But that being said, just because he's bisexual doesn't give him license to get involved in shady side behavior with the cretins off Craigslist, either.
I've occasionally read those casual encounter ads on Craigslist and the ones from men seeking men don't beat around the bush. They don't have to play the mating game, they don't have to woo each other, they get right down to business. Hell, a lot of them even say, "free at 3:00 this afternoon and can host." They ain't looking for boyfriends or flirtations.
I think it's safe to say he's lying and has had numerous bisexual experiences but doesn't want to admit it to you.
You shouldn't HAVE to live a lifetime of this crap.
Just because he desires men doesn't mean he has a special hall pass to experiment with them just because he's 'different.' Cheating is cheating. And when you consider the fact that most guys on Craigslist are looking for sex and aren't nearly as discriminating as a woman is, well you can imagine that raises the likliehood of STDs considerably.
Good luck to you, SRW. If I were you, I'd INSIST on a full screen STD panel for him and he needs to bring you the printed results. He's full of crap when he claims he's never done anything with these guys and that all he's ever done is run ads for the thrill of it.
Oh - and too damned bad if he gets mad that you looked at his phone. His anger means SQUAT right about now.
Regardless of his sexual orientation, he is a WS into anonymous encounters, and that is a very dangerous type of infidelity that requires more steps to heal and protect yourself from. I know the post doesn't sound entirely applicable to you, but it is. You still need to complete all recommended steps there. You nee to make an exit plan for you and your baby's safety, ASAP. If you are really meant to reconcile, it will happen even when you take these steps to protect yourself. YOU need to be the priority right now.
Normally I'm one big advocate of trying to save marriages by trying to destroy affairs. However it appears in your situation that your husband is gay (or bi).
These behaviours are strong and instinctual, and will not go away with time. If he is truly attracted to other men, then its only going to be more painful for you if you try to delay.
I honestly think that your best chance is to file for D and move on with your life. Someone better is out there for you, I promise.
You are young. You can start over. You'll have a proper family, whether you're with him or not; actually, it will be far less toxic without him!
He has no right to do this behind your back and even less of a right to make you feel guilty for looking into whether he's breaking his vows or not.
He has been hiding who he is and used you to sell himself a story about his sexual identity that wasn't true. You deserve so much more than that. It's so awful that he's brought you into this situation, but you aren't stuck in it. See a lawyer and serve him papers. I really think there can't be any fix other than that.