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My H has been having a difficult time keeping an erection. It has been going on for about 6 months now. He told me he talked to the Doctor about it last October and the doctor said it is most likely due to the medication he is on and many of his levels are up and that can cause it as well. He went for his follow up yesterday and his levels are down with the exception of his triglycerides, but he is still on a lot of meds.

I asked him if he talked to the doctor about it yesterday and he said no.

I am frustrated, but don't want to bust his cahoonas about it.

If you have experienced this problem, would you be embarassed to speak with your wife about it? Are there any questions you wouldn't want to answer? How do you feel when you can't perform?

I feel hurt that he didn't speak with the doctor about it again. I feel that he is not considering my feelings of not having sex.

Any help would be appreciated so I can get into the brain of a man and try and figure this out.

Hi Trust,

As you're aware, this is a sensitive subject for men. However, most of us have BTDT at some point. However, if its ongoing, that's a bigger concern.

Considering why we're all here in this forum, it does get more complicated.

As his wife, you should be concerned , not just for your needs, but it could be signs of something else. Depending on your situation, I would recommend him go see a uroligist. They would be much better qualified than a GP to make the call.

It could also be a testosterone issue that could be resolved with meds.

Most men would be aghast if they were unable to perform and would feel much better if they could.

What I would suggest is asking the doctor about a trial pack of whatever ED meds they have. It's usually a 2 pack that they can at least try to see results. For the heck of it, I did that a few years ago. Wasn't having any issues, just wanted to see if it enhanced the experience any.. not so much.

As a medical professional I can tell that most men are reluctant to let anyone know that they are having an issue until their wife either makes a big deal about it, or comes with them to the appointment.

First make sure your H knows this is all normal stuff, esp if he is on meds for his BP and Cholesterol. Secondly if his triglycerides were high on his labs he needs to cut back on carbs, but know if he had alcohol within 48 hours of them being drawn it will effect the result (false high).

Next encourage him to make a follow up apt with his GP to discuss treatment options. Some guys do well with testosterone, and some guys to well with the viagra/Cialis type meds. I would say the lower daily dose med is better. It is a more natural approach to treatment and doesn't require preplanning to take.

Let him know that you really miss the intimacy, and good sex, and offer to go with him to his appointment.

I can tell you that most men after they have used a med to help with success they are not shy about asking for it, and for refills at ALL!!!

trustagain - would you be embarrassed to speak with your wife about it? Are there any questions you wouldn't want to answer? How do you feel when you can't perform?

Yes, its more awkward and embarrassing to talk to LF about performance issues (ED due to diabetes, weight, high blood pressure etc etc etc) as it would be to talk to my doctor. At least with my doctor, I have some ability to compartmentalize the issue from a personal issue to a engineering problem involving hydraulics. LOL

I think that our affairs are also an issue. The BS may be wondering if this has anything to do with the lingering issues with the AP that is creating the issue and of course, the WS quickly learns that its impossible to prove a negative and reassure the BS. That adds a lot of pressure on the performance. I know that for me, the physical changes that LF experienced post A were dramatic enough that each time we did make love, the very sight of her would trigger guilt and shame and that created problems. Slowly but surely, that has gone away.

Not being able to perform as expected is demoralizing. It can set up a vicious cycle as each episode reinforces the psychological aspects behind ED. Pretty soon, I think that you simply turn off the sex drive in order to not be in the situation of not performing. Its the ostrich defense. I was too tired from work is easier to swallow than I was unable to get it up.

The advice to see the family doctor and/or a urologist is the right approach. ED is treatable.

HUFI

[This message edited by HUFI-PUFI at 5:01 PM, February 27th (Thursday)]

I'm only slightly reluctant to consult a doc. For example, I'm seeing an orthopod next week about some shoulder pain I've had for a while - only 7 or 8 years.

When I got hit with ED 21 years ago, it took me only a few weeks to make an appointment, and that was before Viagra was available. (It turned out to be an infection in my prostate, so a course of antibiotics did the trick.)

There's no way to get into his brain. Why not just ask him to talk to his doc again, if only about a 'scrip for Viagra/Cialis/Levitra?

Keep in mind it may not all be physical. WH is a workaholic with stress and anxiety issues. For over a year he struggled and asked his doctor for a prescription after about 4 months of no erections.

(Side note: A few months after getting Viagra, the A happened.)

Since the A, he has not used Viagra at all even during HB. It has been 10 months. In hindsight, I wish I would have suggested he see a therapist instead of a medical doctor.

If you'll tell me the names of his meds I can point out the ones that could be problematic. Your husband may have wanted to discuss this but got "rushed" out of it. We doctors can be bad about that.