As much as I want to R, why should I really stay married given how things seem to be playing out. I have decided not to decide anything for the time being. Most of what I have read says to give your self some time to get over the shock. I have lost 15 lbs in 7 weeks. Just started being able to sleep without prescribed anxiety medication most nights as of a week. And although I am new to the forum I see I have naturally started to detach and am leaning toward a complete 180. Sorry so long but here's my story...
DDay: 01/07/14 after my WH told me ILYBINILWY two days earlier. I asked him point blank if he was having an affair but he denied it. I was so emotionally wrought he finally confessed a couple nights later
His A is with a COW and he is now is in love with her. Says he started back in mid oct which I take to mean he probably was already having an EA but only started sleeping with her in Oct.
He also said he had an PA some 6 years ago with and intern for 3 weeks until she finished her internship and moved on.
I was desperate that he would not abandon my kids and myself since I had to leave a week later to help my mother recuperate from major surgery on the other side of the country. She had a cancerous tumor removed. Timing was the worst possible and only the second time I was away from my children for more then one night during our entire marriage. I waited to tell my family until after the surgery when I was there in person, since I was still reeling emotionally, and could not hide how I was feeling.
We have been married almost 12 years. We have 3 beautiful children and have had a very passionate marriage up until recently as far as I could tell. He is a loving father and we have both gone out of the way to make sure the children are not in the middle of any of this.
We met and married within 10 months had our first child a year and half later.
DS: age 10
DD: age 9 in a few days
DS: age 7
Me BS: 43
WH: 36 (apparently 2 As)
Given that we fell in love so quickly it does not surprise me that he has developed feelings for the OW after a three months. We have both seen a MC and are both going to IC. He is looking for a new job but has not told anyone, except his closest friend at work who I know well. Not sure what is really going on at work.
From what I can tell he is still carrying on the affair since he refuses to talk about it but I have no evidence. He left for a few days to stay with this same friend from work. Said he wanted to come home. I went and spoke with an attorney and allowed him to come back since I was so distraught over the thought of sharing custody and what that entails. He returned visibly upset in front of the kids. I knew I made a mistake letting him return since he was clearly not truly remorseful just sad about not talking to his AP everyday. He asked to leave again and is renting a room nearby for a month since he wanted to be alone to figure things out.
I went out on a date, at his request, which was a disaster. Although I have been feeling more detached and realize I have no control over him, his actions or his feelings, I had a difficult time mastering my emotions when he would say stupid stuff like, you should really work on getting a full-time job (I told him I don't trust him), or I was hoping we would rekindle something on these dates. To which I told him I did not get married to have a third person in our marriage. As long as he is continuing his affair we canít start working on our marriage. I only have my self-respect and that's all I have left. Not sure these "dates" are really going to work for me.
He txted to apologize. He went to his IC that night and called to apologize about his behavior again afterwards
So my question: I work part-time and make about 1/5th of what my husband makes. Would exposer at work really make any difference if he doesn't want to end the A? Why should I bother if my gut tells me to detach and let the chips fall where they may. Not optimistic at this point.
[This message edited by PhoenixAlight at 11:18 AM, February 27th (Thursday)]