I am going back to IC, I wish H would but he feels he is just fine. He quit a daily porn/gaming habit cold turkey but he says he is fine.
This is very telling.
I am convinced in order for a couple to learn to R....BOTH have to be radically honest and intentional with their actions.
Healing from the pain is one thing.....Learning to R is something entirely different.
First, as a former porn user I can tell you that quitting cold turkey and white knuckling it does not work ! You need to back fill in that void that habit filled with healthy constructive things.....things that I don't believe you can come up with on your own.
Second, a close couple we know is in a horribly destructive pattern. He feels he is just fine....she thinks she has some work to do but HE is the problem . No growth is likely here.
My own Dad, at 72 years old, has never showed any signs that he has any issues to work on, his alcoholic Dad had no affect on him, etc.....that blindness limits his growth, limits our relationship.
I am sorry your husband gives off the impression of being just fine.
2-5 years......put it is not just time. You need to be radically honest and intentionally seek our new ways to do M, to show and choose love.....WS in particular need to be very aggressive in this....certainly can't think that just stopping means all better.
And at some point the BS needs to step up aggressively too.
God be with you......it is not all lost yet.... Might not be in R, but D might not be inevitable.