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Letter to the om

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2married2quit posted 2/27/2014 16:10 PM

So I feel in my heart that I should do this. He asked for forgiveness several times and I didn't respond to it. Well, the time has come to do so. I know some of you will disagree, but I was thinking of e-mailing him this e-mail. Obviously names have been changed. For some reason I want to say more, but I don't. Here it is:


I don't know how exactly to do this, but as I said, I would call you one day and accept your apology. I do forgive you Tom. I didn't want to just say it back then because I knew that in my heart I hadn't processed everything and gone through the rollar coaster of emotions. It's been almost 2yrs since it all happened and this is how long it has taken me to comes to grips with it all. I believe in second chances, I believe no one is perfect and therefore forgiveness is the right thing.

I wish you and Chelsey the best.

John Doe

64fleet posted 2/27/2014 16:13 PM

You are a bigger man than me, 2m2q, there's no way I would/could ever do it.

sisoon posted 2/27/2014 16:28 PM

What will this accomplish for you?

The email is OK, but I don't get your motivation, and I don't get why you're giving him some space in your head.

Forgiveness is usually based on some sort of repentance. What's he done to repent, make amends, etc.?

[This message edited by sisoon at 4:29 PM, February 27th (Thursday)]

vivere posted 2/27/2014 17:02 PM

Why open the door again after 2 years?

After 2 years I have almost reached my goal of indifference toward the AP. I understand it is probably more difficult in your case as you knew the AP as a 'friend' but I still think that's what I'd be aiming for.

For some reason I want to say more, but I don't.

I wonder if what you are holding back is, in fact, more important than what you are saying?


SpotlessMind posted 2/27/2014 18:37 PM

I suggest sitting on the letter for another few weeks. If your heart still wants you to hit send and you will feel closure,, then that might be the best step for you.

I can relate. One of my husband's sex partners was also a friend of mine. At some point, I will possibly talk to her or email her, also for closure.

I think we can forgive someone's brokenness without welcoming them back into our lives. I also believe forgiveness is more for us than the perpetrator.

foundoutlater posted 2/27/2014 19:09 PM

2m2q Im wondering what your motivation is with this letter. Is this someone that is unavoidably a part of your life?

LoveActually posted 2/27/2014 19:15 PM

I read your profile and it indicates you are successfully reconciled--why would you want to make him important again? You can forgive someone without telling them you do--forgiveness is something for you, not him.

BAB61 posted 2/27/2014 19:21 PM

^^ This is what I was thinking. You can forgive him without contacting him.

I know you are in R - why open that door? Just a thought.

IsthereEVERanend posted 2/27/2014 20:12 PM

I cannot imagine why you would want to send the OM communication in any form for any reason. No way would I ever consider doing it.

Uhtred posted 2/27/2014 20:22 PM

The only way the other man is getting a letter from me is if I can get my fist in there.

Whatever you need to have closure brother. It's your choice.

Ascendant posted 2/27/2014 20:25 PM

The only way the other man is getting a letter from me is if I can get my fist in there.

Hahahaha.

workindad posted 2/27/2014 20:37 PM

I must admit that I would never do it either. He's seeking- what- absolution from you?? GMAFB

I can't imagine how this helps you, your R or your spouse in any way.

Does he need to feel better about himself so he can do this again to some other family??

Let him wait until hell freezes over.

2married2quit posted 2/27/2014 21:07 PM

Honestly I'm doing it for myself. Not that it will change things but it will let me leave it behind some. However I'm putting it on hold. I'm afraid I'll regret this later. I don't know why. Like I meed to hold on to resentment or else it's okay what he did. So confusing.

Uhtred posted 2/27/2014 21:30 PM

I'd sit on it for a minute. You may decide later down the road to knock his teeth out. Just saying.

twitching posted 2/27/2014 21:41 PM

How/why is he asking for forgiveness?

StillGoing posted 2/27/2014 21:54 PM

If it's for you, then why bother telling him? You can forgive him and he doesn't ever need to know about it.

His asking for that is about him, not you.

2married2quit posted 2/28/2014 13:12 PM

He repented right off the back. Day 1 pretty much after DDAY. Or after I found out and told him I knew. During he didn't give a rats ass pretty much.

I'm reading all the responses and considering it all. One thing is for sure, I do NOT want to keep this resentment inside.

BtraydWife posted 2/28/2014 13:38 PM

I strongly suggest reading

How Can I Forgive You?: The Courage to Forgive, the Freedom Not To

by Janis A Spring


Don't send that letter yet. Read the book first. Also if this is for yourself, his involvement isn't needed. Please don't contact him. It's a really bad idea.

itainteasy posted 2/28/2014 13:42 PM

You don't have to voice your forgiveness to HIM.

You can forgive him, and let it go. If you feel like you have to give it a voice, go to a mountain, a lake, a river, the ocean, a meadow, the forest...where ever you feel at peace and say it there. "I forgive you, Tom."

That's all you have to do. You don't have to communicate with this person at all to release your resentment.

7yrsflushed posted 2/28/2014 13:50 PM

Honestly I'm doing it for myself. Not that it will change things but it will let me leave it behind some. However I'm putting it on hold. I'm afraid I'll regret this later. I don't know why. Like I meed to hold on to resentment or else it's okay what he did. So confusing.

Forgive him in your head but don't send the letter. You can let go of the resentment without actually talking or sending a letter to him. It's 2 years later, you send the letter and he responds back with Fuck You or some other less than gracious response...now what?

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