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LostSamurai posted 2/28/2014 12:43 PM

I took my pictures down of my wife and I together. Then when I thought about reconciliation I brought them back up, but lately, I find myself staring at them thinking I should take them down and leave them down.

Has anyone else had this dilemma and if you R, did you leave them down still.

rachelc posted 2/28/2014 12:44 PM

We had intimate couples pictures taken of us the DAY before he embarked on an affair. I can hardly stand to look at them. We look at each other so lovingly and yet I guess it was a farce...I love them and hate them at the same time.

LostSamurai posted 2/28/2014 12:49 PM

It's hard for me stare at them, because of lot of them I notice, she is wearing a necklace that he gave her in it.

Pass posted 2/28/2014 13:02 PM

she is wearing a necklace that he gave her in it.

Those pictures belong in the fire, my friend, but not until you've explained why to her. Otherwise, she'll just mark it down as "He's crazy and jealous".

fst86411 posted 2/28/2014 13:21 PM

I agree with Pass on this one.

Mack9512 posted 2/28/2014 13:44 PM

After false R #3 I began to slowly take down all of the pictures with my fWH in them. By DDay #5 there was only one large family portrait left and it was only there because my dd wanted it to stay. We are almost 1 year into true R and we have replaced the majority of the pictures with new ones. My fWH did ask if I would be okay if he hung our wedding picture back up and I agreed but said we had to replace it with a picture from our recommitment or vow renewal ceremony. As of right now, said ceremony is not for at least another year or so.

LostSamurai posted 2/28/2014 13:47 PM

I think I will take them down when I get home. I am so very disturbed by them.

LivinginLimbo posted 2/28/2014 13:54 PM

I have some vacation pics out, but our wedding pic remains tucked in a drawer.

sodamnlost posted 2/28/2014 13:58 PM

After the first Dday, I took all pics of SAWH down taken during his "one and only affair". Now that I know he is a SA and has cheated our entire relationship, I can't look at ANY old pictures of him/us/family without wanting to hurl. I leave them up because my 2 youngest don't know there are any issues other than his one affair. I did however rip my wedding album to pieces and there that out along with several bigger/sentimental gifts has given me.

Bikingguy posted 2/28/2014 14:17 PM

I have a hard time looking at any and wondering what was going on in WW's head at the time. Plus seeing someone I never thought capible of not only an A but the shitty stuff she did in it. I actually ignore them now. Clearly this is what WW did of our wedding photos all over our bedroom as she screwed OM in that room

For V day WW gave me a photo frame made into the word "love" She did try and pick photos from after d day and before it started - but that would mean no photos of our kids. I would just prefer to through that gift in the trash. Fortunately it is sitting in a corner of the room and won't be put up any time soon.

Slight T/J. I have the same issues with my wedding room. I took it off several months ago and have been feeling like it was time to get a new one and start wearing it - will never wear current one. But then two days later I feel completely different and change my mind. Buying cards is the same - I buy two, one generic and one romantic. I choice the card on the day I give it based on how I feel at that time.

Hosea posted 2/28/2014 16:22 PM

LostSamurai:

Hey bro.

I triggered for a long time on our wedding and honeymoon photos. My wife keeps a wedding photo by the front door. It grieved me to look at, and in my spite, I kept thinking, "If this was so damn special, why did you throw it away?"

I saw myself in my wedding tux, smiling like the luckiest guy in the world, standing next to my beautiful bride. I just wanted to go back in time and slap the happy right off his face.

But recently, I started seeing it differently. Because my wife wants that photo by the door to tell people she's proud to be married to me, she's thankful for me, and she's grateful that our marriage has survived the worst of trials.

Having said that, you have every right and reason to get rid of any photos which include triggers. That necklace from your wife's Affair Partner? I would put those in a box, move them to the attic, and plan on burning them down the road.

It's not quite clear where y'all are in the Reconciliation process. I know it's hard to gauge when your wife's mind and heart are still not clearly known by you. And you've already endured one False Reconciliation. So be patient with this one.

If true Reconciliation continues, and the emotional and spiritual bonds between you and your wife strengthen, I would one day ask her to round up every single item, gift, memento she has from her AP.

Because those need to burn (or be trashed) eventually, too. With your wife glad to light the match and consign it to ash.

sisoon posted 2/28/2014 16:29 PM

I had a hard time looking at photos of my W during the early stages of R. If I had photos in which something of ow's show up, those photos would be shredded, R or not. (My W wouldn't want to keep them, either.)

One of our first activities after D-Day was discarding gifts ow gave my W. I actually took some pleasure in the pain that caused my W.

LS, Taking down the photos is a good step for you. I'm glad you're doing it.

steadfast1973 posted 2/28/2014 16:33 PM

I was never allowed to have them up. In fact, there are few pictures of us together, aside from wedding pictures...

stunnedin12 posted 2/28/2014 17:21 PM

Any pictures of wh and I or wh/family during the affair have been destroyed. I know my extended family has them if my children ever ask and want them. A few pictures from before the affair have also been destroyed.

Some of the pictures had been put into scrapbooking pages. Those pages cost me upwards of $10.00 each (what can I say, I scrap expensive!). I gave the pictures and pages to wh to destroy.

As far as pictures on the wall/dresser etc. Nothing of us. The children are on the wall but that's it.

justjim posted 2/28/2014 18:47 PM

I've just about purged my house of memories of her. occasionally I find something in a drawer or something, but I just toss it. I try not to think about her, and when I do, it is with disgust and revulsion.

She stole 12 years of my life.

NOT. ONE. MORE. DAY!

Ivyivy posted 2/28/2014 19:55 PM

I don't have any pictures of WH up around the house. I destroyed the one picture of "the two of us" that he had in his office (cut it in half). He was really upset about that - so sad. I have been meaning to put pictures of me and the kids up. I am sure that WH will take that as an insult since any pictures I put up will clearly exclude him. I have not destroyed pictures of us as a family - I think that kids will want them when they grow up but at this point I have no use for them. We are still together - not sure for how long or if we will try to R or D. I guess I should be happy that we never got around to putting up lots of pictures in the first place.

LostSamurai posted 2/28/2014 21:52 PM

The sad part that is really going to hurt, is I am going to have to destroy our wedding video. My relative she had the affair with is the piano player at our wedding.

keptmyword posted 2/28/2014 22:48 PM

I've been divorced now for several months and have our kids every other week. I've actually left pictures of us together and of our family together up for some time now only for the sake of our kids having some normalcy.

I'll soon be taking them down and replacing them with pictures of me and the kids, the kids with members of my family, or just them.

All wedding photos will be going into a box and I'm going to give them to her. She can do with them as she wishes.

I also have dozens and dozens of cards and letters she gave me exclaiming how I was the love of her life, that she was going to love me forever, and how our love can get us through anything. All the same hollow shit that she told and wrote to her adultery partner. She can then recycle them to give to whoever is latest on the forever-my-love list.

I am going to remove any and all trace of her from this home.

It's a sad statement but she is not a part of my life and I actually want my children to see that. They have to know that you DO NOT accept this toxic shit in your life. They need to see ONE parent live an authentic life and one who holds fast to his values and sense of morality.

Ascendant posted 3/1/2014 10:33 AM

So, I took mine down like a month and a half or so after DDAY. It felt as though every smiling photo with my wife and I, or my wife, son, and I was just fake, just pure bullshit.

Every time I looked at a wedding photo all I could think was "I meant my vows, she didn't mean hers."

Every so often I'd put them back up mentally and see what the emotional reaction was...until very recently it was still anger at them.

As I was cleaning the house the other day, I felt like something on the wall was missing; indeed, there was a clock where we used to hang out wedding day photo. I pulled it out of the closet and put it back up, and there was no sense of anger or revulsion at it. So there it hangs.

It looks right again.

[This message edited by FacePunched at 10:34 AM, March 1st (Saturday)]

painfulpast posted 3/1/2014 10:43 AM

LS, please, destroy the ones with her in that necklace. That's nothing but a constant trigger. How terrible.

And you don't need to destroy the wedding video. Bring it to a video editor and ask that they remove ALL scenes that include the piano player. If for nothing else, your kids might enjoy seeing the wedding of their parents.

I'm sorry you're going through this. This all hurts.

(((((hugs)))))