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i am just a wreck today. My dear sweet friend who has been amazing for me since Dday....now finds herself in the position of BS. I am overwhelmed with sadness. Her WH is being horrible. Gaslighting. TT. Lies. Blameshifting. Accusing her of horrible things she is not doing. Lies about NC. She is truly a beautiful person with a beautiful heart and soul. My heart breaks for her. It breaks more so, because she and her WH witnessed my devastation and grief first hand. He watched me crumble to pieces after learning of my WH's A. Now, he inflicts the same pain on her.

She sat on my couch yesterday...i hugged her as she sobbed...we cried together. her words echoed mine of 14 months ago. "why did he do this to me? how could he hurt me like this? what did i do to deserve this?" It brought back so much pain for me. Yet, at the same time, my newfound strength came thru.

We talked all about his blame shifting, gaslighting, etc. We talked about the WS fog. We talked about how she is NOT crazy. How she didnt deserve this. How this isnt her fault. How it is the most horrible feeling in the world to feel discarded, unwanted. The grief you feel when someone you love inflicts such pain. We talked about R...and how she wished her WH would do all the things that my WH does. We talked about focusing on her, her needs, finding her strength. We talked about so many different things.

I gave her this site. I hope she comes here and reads. Because i swear to god....all the strength and words i had in me yesterday came from SI. This place has truly been a pillar of strength for me. And i am quite certain, that without my kick ass MC/IC and SI, i would not be where i am right now. Perfect...nope, still working on me, my marriage and rebuilding....but damn better off than i was 14 month ago....hell, better off than i was 3 years ago.

Not sure exactly what my point is. Maybe just needed to vent, i guess. maybe i just needed to verbalize this for myself...proving to myself that A's are painful, horrific, tragic...but they dont have to break you. At 14 months post DDay, i can be there for a friend suffering the same awful fate without falling to pieces myself. There is life after an A. What that life is depends on you, and what you choose to do for yourself.

hugs, strength and support to all of you.

Hi SBS,

So sad for your friend. The first few days are horrible, just horrible. If she's like me, she won't even remember most of it, so I guess that's the good side???

Thank you for sharing this story. It's wonderful that you were there for your friend, as she was for you. It's heartbreaking that either of you needed that support, but amazing that you are both such good hearted people to be there, at a time when so many others run and don't want to discuss infidelity. I hope her husband wakes up soon. We've all read far too many stories about WSs taking months to snap out of it, stop trying to deny, hide, protect, etc, before finally showing remorse.

Sorrow, if there's one good thing that can come out of being a BS it's that you can truly be there for your friend and help guide her through her confusion and pain. That must be such a comfort to her.