I have never seen this side to him. We got in a pretty bad fight last night, and although I've seen him cry before about the infidelity, it was not like this.
He broke down in sobs for 10 minutes, refused to let me look at him... Some of his lines that hit me the most:
"What kind of sicko does this to someone so kind and amazing..."
"I hate the person I have become, I feel ashamed and disgusting"
"What are we going to tell our kids if we get married... I am the shameful disgusting husband who cheated on their beautiful perfect mother..."
"She was nothing but puppy love to me, someone who I had known since I was young. You are a true companion, my family, my best friend... How could I have ever done this to you..."
"I hate being out with friends or family and at the back of my mind I know you are thinking the worst about me, thinking that I'm with someone else or lying to you and it kills me inside, I hate knowing how depressed you are because of me, I feel disgusting.."
This was all said through sobbing tears and a lot of snot. By no means is he ever forgiven or justified, but I think it meant a lot to me. I always knew he was remorseful, he would shed tears of shamefulness but this was on another level.
I was pleased to hear this from him but at the same time it was a little concerning. I still love him and don't want the worst upon him, but he is putting the worst upon himself... It sounded like he hated himself last night and he had absolutely no confidence. He was belittling and berating himself, calling himself foul words. I obviously want him to feel bad about what he did and feel ashamed but when we are trying to R, I don't think him getting this upset about his actions is a good thing... we cannot get over the infidelity if both of us have not healed.
Does anyone have advice or similar situations?