Age18 (boy) rocked his world. Having a very hard time. Making poor choices.
Age 16 (boy). Quiet. Won't talk to me. Has only said "its ok mom. You will be happy again". Talk about breaking my heart!
Age 13 (girl). Quiet, bratty. Cries a lot at school. (Very out of character). Doesnt enjoy what she used to. ( specifically her horse, the love of her life)
Age 6 ( boy). Mad at me becuase "im mean to dad". Oh honey, if you only knew!
Age 5 (boy). Mad also, but also overly clingy to me. My new sleeping partner. (Love it!)
I am a stay at home mom and have considered parenting one of my greatest gifts. I can talk about , penises, drugs, birds and the bees without batting an eye.
I am at a loss here.
Struggling to get through the day. Dont want to let them down like dad did.
Just wanted you to know that you are not alone.
Hopefully someone will have some advice we could both use.
BS me 41
WH 42 his whore was my friend
Married 24 years
Finally finding R?
3 kids 3 grand kids
DDay 1 -Jan 2 2014
DDay 2 -Feb 20 2014 A went underground fo
There always seem to be more questions than answers. A good friend of mine told me something incredibly valuable and comforting last night, though. I was crying in front of my 3 year old son, the first time he had ever seen me cry. He asked me if I was crying and at first I just put my head in my hands. Then he said, "Daddy is playing peekaboo!" At which point, obviously, I totally lost it. He asked again if I were crying and I said yes but that daddy is ok. The conversastion was so sweet and painful.
"Daddy, are you crying? Daddy has tears running down his face. Can I sit on daddy's lap?"
He was a little bit scared at first, I think, but somehow knew exactly what I needed at that moment. I told my friend about it because I was upset and she sent me this email:
Tell him daddy is crying, daddy is sad. It's okay to be sad sometimes - everyone gets sad. Kids fear the way people react to emotions, not the emotions themselves.
That's all I have for you, mommato5. It might not be much but those words meant a lot to me. Hang in there and stay strong.
Your younger kids just need lots of love from you and their older siblings.
Do not allow them to be mad at you or blame you. That's all on dad.
First and foremost your kids need you. As a child of D, a strong, supportive parent is essential! Be a role model. That doesn't mean you have no emotions. If you are sad, be sad. Say why - in age appropriate terms. Try not to alienate the "other parent." That parent will so the damage on their own.
hugs ans strength for you Momma....
in the past 4 weeks (since D day) I too have noticed
Miss 13 (the princess). Is withdrawing from everything. wants to stay at home..not go to school, dance classes (formerly a social butterfly). does not want me to leave her side. cries a lot.
Miss 11. Angry, has withdrawn from others. Very clingy with me (was previously daddys girl)
Miss 9 angry, throws tantrums, blaming
Miss 7 angry, clingy ..like your mr 6 she tells me "its your fault dads not living here... why wont you ask him to come back"
Miss 5.. teary...comes down and hops into my bed every night
Miss 10 weeks...no change.. just a happy, smiley little bubba :)
I have noticed, for what its worth the shift in my girls from grief to anger in the past 2 weeks... I think the 3 middle ones feed off each other and have lined up councelling sessions individually and as a group (without me)... they had their first one last week. WH of course thinks its a load of rubbish and "they'll be fine".
Being a large family we are very routined, as it works best for us. I let the behaviour go in the first few weeks, and let them have their tantrums, etc. If they werent up to going to after school activities I didnt push it. But the last couple of weeks, I've been a bit firmer with this.
My advice is to engage them. Age appropriately of course. Talk with them not at them. If the older one's don't know the truth, time to tell them. Not the gory details of course and not to make WS look bad, but so they know WHY things are the way they are. Maybe you go first to break the ice. Tell them how you are feeling about everything. NOT the crazy things that run around your head, but more like I feel very sad because of... I have a hard time thinking straight right now because of... I feel like this and here's WHY. Getting that WHY I think is critical. Let the older one's know that their opinions and thoughts matter to you. Let them know that you are still the parent and that disrespect will not be tolerated and will have consequences. But let them express themselves. Remember that all of the kids are hurting just as bad as you are. If WS can show remorse in any way, that will also help. Much like the BS needs some remorse to heal, kids often need it too. And of course IC is good if it's possible. Remember that the younger one's may have a hard time articulating how they feel and may not be able to say what they feel. The older kids may rebel and not answer anything you may ask (I was in that category). But if you keep trying, know matter how hard it is, or how hard they may get, and if you let them know how you are feeling and the WHY behind what is going on in the house along with WHY you feel certain things, you may wear them down a bit to get them to open up. Engage them. Not every day. And especially when you are having one of those really bad days and you are a complete mess. Engage them when you are calm and can think clearly. And yes, it's good for them to see you have some emotion so that they know you are feeling bad.
I'm a parent of three and that's what I would do with my own kids. I'm here on SI because I'm a BC (betrayed child) now an adult dealing with my issues from my FOO (family of origin).
Good luck to you.
Wishing ALL of you and your families strength to get through this.