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Newest Member: MaggieO (60733)

User Topic: Deadbeat
♀ 30910
Member # 30910
Default  Posted: 8:58 PM, March 1st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

XH is generally not parenting. DS has not stayed over night with him in over a year. XH insists on dropping by to see DS. For awhile I just walked DS to the door, so they could visit on the front porch or play in the yard, but now, it is too cold for that. Given the fact that DS is so extremely happy to see XH and that the level of occurrence is only once every 6 weeks, I have allowed him to visit with DS in my home, not like extended, but more like if a neighbor stopped by.

XH showed up last night, so DS3 specifically asked if he could call daddy tonite. Through the day he had asked several times if I would let daddy in if he rang the doorbell (I always answer but guess he wanted to be sure). Then at dinner he said he was eating all his food, because that would make daddy come.

After dinner, I sent a text and asked if XH was available to FaceTime. He called 30 minutes later. DS began asking where he was (which actually he just wanted to know what room he was in so that he could go stand in the same type of room while they talked...a game he has with other FaceTimers in his life). XH gets totally uncomfortable and is trying to dodge the question. Ultimately, he tells him that he is in a kitchen. The signal is bad and was DS getting frustrated so I went over to help (out of concern for my phone - previous one took a swim - I always stay close) and note that XH is well dressed and clearly in a stairwell. He is looking up, silently communicating with someone.

So, getting to the point. I am totally pissed off. I don't get nights out, dammit! Hell, I don't even get to pee by myself most of the time. And here is this jackass out whooping it up on a Saturday night!! And he has the audacity to always act as though he is sick or working so hard or blah, blah, fuckity blah.

This guy has plenty of time to parent, yet he chooses not to. Meanwhile his son is doing all he can to will his daddy into spending time with him.

In general, I figure it is better to just let the chips fall and if the guy chooses not to see his son, at least the expectation is established early. But, you know, it's just not that simple. The random visits ignite hope in an innocent 3 year old heart.


Posts: 936 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: USA
♀ 40306
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 9:13 PM, March 1st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Oh that is just heartbreaking. I don't know how you don't slap him silly when he shows up on your porch.

Hug your little guy for me. My heart just aches for him. I can only imagine how you feel about it.


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 M - 22 Years
D-day: 7/2013; D filed 7/2014; Divorced 7-27-16
...the WS affair starts off in a dreamland where everything is all Golly, Wow! and Meant To Be! and Soul Mates drop from the trees to frolic in the mist. -devotedman

Posts: 5585 | Registered: Aug 2013
♀ 34697
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 9:30 AM, March 2nd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((H&D and DS))))

You have such a sweet kiddo. And I'm so amazed that you are able to let him into your house for your son's benefit.

Just know that what you are spending your time on, forging and creating, will long outlast the Saturday night romps of XH.

"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4962 | Registered: Jan 2012
♀ 31468
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 9:51 AM, March 2nd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Then at dinner he said he was eating all his food, because that would make daddy come.
Oh, this just breaks my heart.

Your XH is an idiot H&D and I'm sorry you have to deal with it. ((H&D))

Me: BW-46
Him: XWH-46

Status: D 2011
Remarried to a kind and wonderful man - 2017

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K.

Posts: 5280 | Registered: Mar 2011
Topic Posts: 4

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