XH is generally not parenting. DS has not stayed over night with him in over a year. XH insists on dropping by to see DS. For awhile I just walked DS to the door, so they could visit on the front porch or play in the yard, but now, it is too cold for that. Given the fact that DS is so extremely happy to see XH and that the level of occurrence is only once every 6 weeks, I have allowed him to visit with DS in my home, not like extended, but more like if a neighbor stopped by.
XH showed up last night, so DS3 specifically asked if he could call daddy tonite. Through the day he had asked several times if I would let daddy in if he rang the doorbell (I always answer but guess he wanted to be sure). Then at dinner he said he was eating all his food, because that would make daddy come.
After dinner, I sent a text and asked if XH was available to FaceTime. He called 30 minutes later. DS began asking where he was (which actually he just wanted to know what room he was in so that he could go stand in the same type of room while they talked...a game he has with other FaceTimers in his life). XH gets totally uncomfortable and is trying to dodge the question. Ultimately, he tells him that he is in a kitchen. The signal is bad and was DS getting frustrated so I went over to help (out of concern for my phone - previous one took a swim - I always stay close) and note that XH is well dressed and clearly in a stairwell. He is looking up, silently communicating with someone.
So, getting to the point. I am totally pissed off. I don't get nights out, dammit! Hell, I don't even get to pee by myself most of the time. And here is this jackass out whooping it up on a Saturday night!! And he has the audacity to always act as though he is sick or working so hard or blah, blah, fuckity blah.
This guy has plenty of time to parent, yet he chooses not to. Meanwhile his son is doing all he can to will his daddy into spending time with him.
In general, I figure it is better to just let the chips fall and if the guy chooses not to see his son, at least the expectation is established early. But, you know, it's just not that simple. The random visits ignite hope in an innocent 3 year old heart.