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This is my first post here although I have been lurking and
Reading for quite awhile. Here is my back story married 22 years 12 children, 9 still living in the home between the ages of 17 and 2. The 3 older children are in their 20's and on their
Own. Husband cheated on me, lied for months, he has been abusive to me and when
I asked him to leave so I could have some space. Other woman of course let him move in and a month later he well really The other woman filed for divorce.
My kids are having such a hard time, he never contacts them, he has 4 visits a month- generally shows up for maybe 2 of those. My question is beginning in April he is allowed to
Include OW in the visitation time, only the 5 youngest participate in visitation he has written off the older kids and doesn't care to see them.
How did/do you all handle the other woman being
With your kids? I am going to have a melt down.....

(((rollcall)))

If you've been lurking, you know about the Healing Library, right? There's a link in the yellow box at the upper left.

I have no wisdom for you, but I'm replying so you'll know someone is listening.

Weekends are slow here. Hopefully, someone can help you out soon.

Oh rollcall I feel your pain. Its hard to imagine anything more devastating than being betrayed by the man you trusted with your life. But having your kids meet and spend time with and possibly grow to like or love the object of that pain is debilitating.
I have 4 kids and so far they do not know why we are getting divorced. My STBX promised me over and over that he wasn't with the OW anymore, would never be with her, our kids would never meet her, I wouldn't be reminded of the pain. I recently found out that was all more lies. I now am preparing and dreading the day the kids meet her. He is still keeping her secret from them but some of them have met her through his work, as a "friend".
I have no idea how to deal with this either. I was starting to look forward to a future where this was all behind me and I could move on. But when you are tied together by children - so many in your case (!), there seems to be no end to the pain.
I've found comfort in knowing that I will always be their only mother and I try to be the best, steadiest, consistently honorable mother I can be. I plan to teach them right from wrong, the value or a trusting loving commitment, and how important it is to be happy - but not at the expense of everyone that loves you.
I hope you have friends and family and counseling to help you through. I finally started anti-depressants and it has helped to make me stronger and see the truth. But the pain will be there for quite a while.
Good luck to you and your kids.

rollcall, I'm sorry that you find yourself here.

Yes, he can bring the OW around your kids at visits. Yes, it is hard to get through...especially the first few visits.

But I promise you this...OW will never replace you in their minds. Ever.

Also, if you would like an evil little silver lining to visits with OW...your ex will be brining four little kids around her...that might be fun for a few hours for an OW but the novelty will wear off fast as shiny affairyland starts looking like real life.

Deep breaths. Keep posting here. So many of us empathize and understand those feelings of sending our children over 'there.'