I have never posted on a forum before so bare with me. I found out July 2013 that my husband was having an affair with the mom of my 9 year old sons classmate. Yes, our marriage had been struggling for the last couple of years but of course I would have never expected this. The husband of the whore is the one who confirmed the affair to me by a facebook message. He filed for divorce within 10 days. I made my WH leave the house. He has been living with his mom across town 4 days of the week and then with the whore on the days that her two children go to stay with their dad.(Until very recently, it was when he was staying at the whore's house that I would get sorrowful texts such as "I miss u guys." "I miss normalcy." "I'm working on getting rid of the whore" Yes, he calls her the whore too!!!
My WH came home for almost 2 weeks in August/early September 2013. Caught him with her again so he had to go again. We also went to MC a couple of times before he refused to go anymore during this same time period.
Because my WH knows that the ex-husband of the whore and I have had contact, my WH asked me to contact the ex-husband and see if I can find any dirt on his whore for him. He is frantic that she is going to cheat on him since she cheated with him. He has since found out that his whore has had three other affairs that the ex-husband did not know about. But yet my WH still stays with her.
I should also mention that he refuses to be with his whore when her kids are with her. He says he wants nothing to do with someone else's kids. Meanwhile, my kids want nothing to do with him. You see, before I knew about the affair my WH and the whore were having playdates with our kids to facilitate their affair. This really sickens me. He accuses me of turning his kids against him, but he just doesn't see how his actions have affected the kids.
Fast forward to New Years Eve. He wanted the kids to spend the night but they chose not to because they don't trust him. He has joked with them that he was going to take them to his whore's house so they only go with them when they have to. So I took the brunt of that with nasty, text messages, calling me every name in the book while sitting at dinner with my family. Then the next morning he called and asked if he could come over and work on the yard. I said yes, but told him I wouldn't put up with any crap. When he got to the house, he apologized, said he never wanted a divorce, still loves me, wants to raise our kids together, and wanted to fix things starting right then. (I should mention he has shown very little emotion, empathy or remorse and this was the most he had ever said since this whole thing started.)
Unfortunately, I let him come home and agreed that we would try to work things out. He refuses to go to counseling again. Things were seemingly going good and I was able to verify that days that I was at work that he wasn't with her (she works out of her home). Then on the tenth day he said he needed to go to his moms to get some more of his clothes. Well, as you can guess, I caught him at her house again. I told him not to come back and asked him why he did this and he said, "I'm stupid."
Since then I have tried to do the 180. I only respond to texts that deal with my kids. Because he picks up my kids from school a couple days a week and he has nowhere to take them unless he goes to his moms across town, I let him bring them to the house. This is incredibly difficult to have him here in the house when I get home. In the last month I have asked him to go ahead and leave when I get home. (he used to hang around, sometimes until it was time to tuck the kids in for bed.
He is out in public with this woman for all to see. He even chose to have a special V-Day dinner with his whore less than a mile from my house. He has no shame. When he dropped off the kids the other evening, me and the kids had plans and he demanded to know where we were going. Really????
I should mention that his finances are horrible but he is still paying the bills he paid prior to the affair.
I still see the MC for IC and she told me recently that I have put up with more craziness from him than any client she has had in her 12 years of counseling.
He has recently become much more nasty but I think it is because I have put up some boundaries and he doesn't like it. I had to, I have been to nice and he has been eating cake far too long.
So the end to this long rant is, I really don't want a divorce, believe it or not, but I feel like I don't have any other choice. I am afraid he is going to financially devastate me (he has spent thousands of dollars on her, jewelry, ipad, television, microwave,lawnmower, etc) and he has not changed one single behavior. Don't know if being served divorce papers will get his attention or is what he wants. He has told his family that he has no intentions of staying with this woman and knows if he did he would lose his kids forever.)Guess I'll find out.
How can I go through all this and still say that I don't want a divorce and if he wanted, I would still try to work out our marriage?