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Newest Member: betrayedinil (61145)

User Topic: What did you want to hear from BS, when the guilt started?
♀ 41705
Member # 41705
Stop  Posted: 5:04 PM, March 2nd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH is all over the planet with his emotions. He sometimes acts super nice to me, and asks how I am. Then he will get immediately defensive if he thinks I am critical of him. I just want him to calm down and stop dragging his feet toward the divorce. He is stalling, but with no real apology, or offers of reconciliation. I have no intention of ever reconciling, but a heartfelt apology for his betrayal would be nice. What can I say or do to make him less of a crazy person? Do any of you WS have experience to share? What would make you want to be more cooperative to your BS?

Posts: 178 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Upstate New York
♀ 42184
Member # 42184
Default  Posted: 3:53 AM, March 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think this is a question for the "BS Questions for WS'" in the I Can Relate forums, since BS aren't supposed to start posts here.

It doesn't sound like your WH is remorseful at all though. Getting defensive, not apologizing, not showing signs of guilt--those are all symptoms of an non-remorseful WS. I know the 180 technique (see the Healing Library) can drastically change a WS. For me, it was when my BH made several very promising threats of divorce and made it very clear he was almost done with me, I realized the TT had to stop and things had to change to save our marriage. Also doing a lot of reading on these forums and better understanding the pain he is going through made me want to cooperate to help him heal.

Me, WW
Him, BH
2 DDs
Together 9 yrs, married 4
Flirting/Boundary Breaking/Cheating for 8 years, OEA Fall 09-Feb 10 with flirty friend from 2007/2008, lied and rugswept until TT 12/13-02/14.

Posts: 76 | Registered: Jan 2014
Topic Posts: 2

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