I think this is a question for the "BS Questions for WS'" in the I Can Relate forums, since BS aren't supposed to start posts here.
It doesn't sound like your WH is remorseful at all though. Getting defensive, not apologizing, not showing signs of guilt--those are all symptoms of an non-remorseful WS. I know the 180 technique (see the Healing Library) can drastically change a WS. For me, it was when my BH made several very promising threats of divorce and made it very clear he was almost done with me, I realized the TT had to stop and things had to change to save our marriage. Also doing a lot of reading on these forums and better understanding the pain he is going through made me want to cooperate to help him heal.