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Just talking out loud...

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HotMessInTX posted 3/2/2014 17:07 PM

Outside of IC, SI is currently my only outlet to vent, seek advice, or to just talk about what's going on. So.. not really looking for specific answers or advice but just kind of talking "out loud" since I have no one in real life to do that.

Today is a tough day. BH told the kids the other day that today was going to be somewhat of a spring cleaning day but hadn't clued me in to that. During church, my oldest asked him to stay with a friend a while and let them bring her home. That alone angered my BH greatly; he felt disrespected as if no one ever listens to him. It didn't help that it was our first time at this church and he hated it.

The rest of the day, we've all been walking on eggshells trying to clean and make him happy. I find this very difficult to navigate. I know it's far bigger than my oldest asking to hang w/ a friend. I hate the fear of making it worse by saying or doing anything that might anger him further.

Being only 4 weeks out, I know it's early and there's so much anger and hurt there tearing him up. The R process is just that, a process. One that takes a ton of work and time. I am reading everything I can find and doing everything I can that I am aware of. It may not be enough.

I admire the strength of BH. Even though he doesn't feel strong, he is. He must be. He is dealing with the worst kind of pain and is still here. There are moments my mind lets in negative thoughts when the day is so hard you wonder if either of you will survive it but need to find the strength to comfort him.

I created this though.. the consequences are mine to bear.

seigexax posted 3/2/2014 18:34 PM

just stay strong and with time thigns will get better and become more calm , like you said its a process and it will get better

mrs7 posted 3/2/2014 21:23 PM

I always look forward to reading the content of your posts. It's been only 5 weeks since DDay at my house, so it's very early on for me as well, don't know if the process we're in is "R" or not. Just wanted to let you know that I hear where you're coming from and I understand. This is a hell of a road to go down. So much to figure out. I'll be thinking of you. The natural consequences of this has me trying to grab onto something certain, but nothing is certain anymore. I feel like everything has been turned upside down and inside out. I'm sure you can relate to some degree. Just keep moving, my friend - try to keep going and to keep gaining ground, no matter what happens in your marriage or with your H. Work on being honest with yourself and healing yourself, and whatever the future holds is guaranteed to be better.

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