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Newest Member: Hilda (61117)

User Topic: File for cs? (currently waived)
♂ 37468
Member # 37468
Default  Posted: 8:31 PM, March 2nd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

At the moment, using the state formula, I could get $80/month in child support. At the suggestion of my IC (he said that it would make me look better and would make things generally easier, if I remember correctly? -- the basis being that I make a HUGE amount more than XWW does), (EDIT: last July, as part of the divorce, ) I requested that the court waive it for the time being, citing that at the current time it would be a hardship for XWW which would negatively affect DD.

Since then, obviously, I've had some time to think about it, and IC's stated reasons don't make much sense. I tended to trust him, I think, because going along with his suggestions had good results (she didn't fight me on the divorce at all, and I basically dictated all the terms, and things have been extremely civil). Of course this doesn't mean that the IC's advice was the reason for these results.

So, pros/cons on requesting or filing for child support? She doesn't earn money (she basically has the same setup she had with me for a long time; husband goes to school working on a degree and works part time, and she doesn't work) but in my area that just means that it's assumed that she makes minimum wage. So I'd get 80 or so a month, probably.

If custody percent changed for some reason, I could end up owing her, though. Of course, I could end up owing her anyway if she filed for support, even if previously we waived it on both sides.

I don't think the custody percent will change in her favor. I have a strong history of being primary caretaker now, and I would not relinquish any custody voluntarily.

So I guess I'm asking this out of my historical fear of pissing her off. I don't need the money, but heck, that would add up if contributed to say.. a college fund. Or it could be extra emergency fund for tough times. Sucks to be motivated by fear, but at least I'm honest with myself about it.

Another wrinkle is that I can see one or both of us maybe moving in the next few years, if I took a job in another state, or if OM (her husband) took a job in another state after getting his degree. I have no idea how the negotiation for that would go. I don't trust her behavior to be consistent, not after what she's done to me in the past. Just because it's been civil so far doesn't mean it will remain civil.

One good thing -- about a month ago I finally decided to do the NC thing, which I've mostly posted about on New Beginnings, and it's made me feel a lot more peaceful. We keep stuff very brief and to the point, and I ignore anything that's not related to DD.

[This message edited by ProbableIceCream at 8:38 PM, March 2nd (Sunday)]

Posts: 881 | Registered: Nov 2012
♀ 36134
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 8:41 PM, March 2nd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's a lot of What IF's to think about!

Can you disclose this information with her?

Maybe she could put the money in a college fund for your DD? $80 isn't that much to put away each month.

I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 6708 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
♂ 37468
Member # 37468
Default  Posted: 9:00 PM, March 2nd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah, maybe she could. She's really terrible with money. I realize this might just be enabling her, but for the moment I feel like the money would still be a hardship.

I should bring it up.

Posts: 881 | Registered: Nov 2012
Topic Posts: 3

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