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Newest Member: Schattenfell (61077)

User Topic: The man said sorry, when he hardly needed to
♀ 35810
Member # 35810
Default  Posted: 1:39 AM, March 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Being open minded about multi dating and allowing myself to weigh many options led to exclusivity with one very sweet, hilarious, and charming man

(I will also say being patient through TONS of rejection, crickets from people I messaged or winked at on OLD, being firm but kind with guys who were too pushy, and having my heart broken by a man who made it seem like he was so into me then poofed...that all happened before I met this guy as well)

He said early on that he didn't feel like we knew each other well enough to say we definitely have a future together, but he did know that he felt something for me that he'd not felt in years or anticipated feeling anytime soon, and for him that was enough to be ready to put his OLD profile on pause and exclusively focus on getting to know me. He also said there was no pressure for me to do the same, that he understood my reasons for wanting to take things slow and if I met someone else who I thought was a better fit for me then he'd be happy for us bc he's confident in what he has to offer but also recognizes he's not the right man for everyone.

Fast forward a month and a few weeks, and he's still great at communicating in a direct, seemingly authentic, and no pressure type of way. He knows what he wants and easily asks for it, and I also consistently feel like it wouldn't much matter what my response is. He's just as kind to me and seems just as interested whether I want to do things for/with him or not.

He travels for work every week but calls every night before bed. He spends the majority of his time over the weekend with me, with plenty of space for us to do our own things separately as well.

At my request, he got an STD test 6 weeks after the last time he had sex with someone else, and he showed me his results. He checks his phone, email, and Facebook while cuddling with me so I can easily see all the screens and he seems completely unfazed by that. He says and does really sweet things, but isn't over the top.

He's working and I'm unemployed, so he pays for all outings and groceries, and I cook and give him back rubs. Sometimes he cooks too just bc he feels like it, and he reminds me all the time that he doesn't expect me to cook for him and I don't need to if I don't feel like it.

By all definitions it feels like the healthiest balance of new and exciting budding romance combined with mature, respectful boundaries and pacing that I have ever had...which, with my history isn't exactly saying much...but anyway...

He's kind, and cute, and thoughtful, and we live very similar lifestyles in terms of health and wellness, also are so very similar about social/political issues and religious/spiritual views, and while he's made a few very impressive romantic gestures, as of this weekend the thing he did that's made me the happiest was a simple, unsolicited apology over what I really thought was understandable and no big deal.

He was stressed. He vented to me, not at me. He had just gotten home from a business trip, his car was still in the shop from a hit and run, he was hungry, he was dealing with customer service about internet issues that his roommate was supposed to handle 2 weeks ago, and he was visibly upset but completely kept his cool with the representative...was so polite and kind throughout the convo.

Then we went to get food and I asked more about other things that were wrong, he said he didn't want to talk about it and was too hungry to really focus, then explained that it's not me, that he gets like this when he's at his limit and just needs to be quiet a little bit until he gets past it. Still polite, no voice raising, no temper. He ate, chatted with me and his roommate, took a shower to "recharge his batteries" then we got on with our night. Later, I was in his room changing into pjs and all of a sudden he pops up in front of me, wraps me in a giant bear hug and says in the sweetest little voice "I'm sorry for being in such a poopy mood earlier"

I said honey, if that's you in a poopy mood then we are good to go! He said that's about as bad at it gets. Of all things, that's what makes me so happy I could cry. It's just so kind, and that's what I really, really want in a partner. While it's still too early to know where this is going, or to judge if he'll be consistent, at the very least I'm so pleased to see a man manage his stress with so much respect for me and for other people.

I can't speak to the future, but for right now I'm not mixed emotions anymore, I'm just plain happy

Me: Former BW, 28
Divorced 10/11/12
He didn't show up for the D...very fitting, seeing as he didn't show up for the M, either : )
"What did not demolish me simply polished me, now the clearer I can see" - India Arie

Posts: 388 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Back in the Southeast!
♀ 19946
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 9:41 AM, March 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He does sound healthy and balanced. Congrats on finding a real gentleman to date.

BS, 56 years
D-day 6-2-08
D after 20 years
The journey from Armageddon to Amazing Life happens one step at a time. Don't ever give up!

Posts: 6650 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
♀ 41181
Member # 41181
Default  Posted: 1:19 PM, March 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow, sounds like a great guy! Good luck to you .. and to you both!

Boss A** B*tch
BS/52 Me, STBXpos/56, dd's 16&14
1st D-day 10/19/2013 EA/PA
2nd D-day 12/7/2013 LTA/Rendezvous
S 12/7/2013 No-fault state, 6 mo S, counting down the days.

Posts: 1271 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: DE
♂ 39885
Member # 39885
Default  Posted: 5:33 PM, March 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Beautiful. Us nice guys do have a chance!

Divorced 7/11/14. New Beginning on the Gulf of Mexico. It's real nice.

Posts: 799 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: The beach.
exhausted lady
♀ 30217
Member # 30217
Default  Posted: 7:01 PM, March 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, nice guys DO have a chance! Especially with us females that have had a chance to heal, and evaluate what's really important to us. I am forever done with selfish, immature jerks.

I'm sooo glad to read your post mixedemotions! It sounds like maybe you found a keeper. Good for you!!!!!

Sometimes the hardest part of finally seeing through someone is accepting what you see...

God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to
change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me.
-Reinhold Neibuhr

Posts: 3171 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: Colorado
♀ 34677
Member # 34677
Default  Posted: 5:46 PM, March 4th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm literally smiling outloud for you!

I completely relate to your story and could have written it myself!

He sounds just like my recent ex SO. A perfectly balanced gentleman who will treat you right in all different kinds of weather. Love that!!

Best wishes for this to continue. We made it almost a year before mine freaked out that I couldn't predict marriage this early so he ended it. Way too soon to be thinking like that, but I hope you have a long and happy future together!

Posts: 1532 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: east coast
♀ 34722
Member # 34722
Default  Posted: 5:24 AM, March 5th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I love this. Sounds like a dream come true. Hope it continues and you find that he is authentic and consistent.

Finding what life could have been....... Why didn't I see it?

Posts: 3843 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: the Other Side
♀ 30341
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 6:49 PM, March 5th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That left me feeling hopeful! Ahhhh, thank you Mixed!

DDay 11/17/2010 BW:54

Posts: 4122 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
Topic Posts: 8

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