Cookies are required for login or registration. Please read and agree to our cookie policy to continue.

Newest Member: Starrystarrynight

Reconciliation :
Why did i feel like the baddie

This Topic is Archived
default

 joannie (original poster member #42486) posted at 8:14 AM on Monday, March 3rd, 2014

We had a good weekend, went for dinner and then stayed to dance to 80's music ! BUT in came the OW's daughter and her boyfriend.....I started to shake inside, my husband said he hoped the boyfriend did not get drunk as he can be a bit loud etc. They ignored us, even though last year the boyfriend worked for my husband and son until my husband found out he was the Ow's daughters boyfriend. He even ate here...................I saw her daughter texting and maybe i am paranoid but just get the feeling she was texting her mum about us all being there...felt so uncomfortable> my husband said no one should push us to leave so we stayed maybe half an hour than i told him i could not take anymore , had done well to last so long and we left, he was ok about it.

This will happen again as we live in a small village..how do i cope , will the feelings of fear and nerves we get better,,,, yesterday we were out and i saw him read a text.. but have no proof...do others get so paranoid about the mobiles...it could have been innocent...maybe maybe not....just want to feel more secure, 6 months down the line . Wish the OW bitch would move........we can't...sorry to rant but how do you cope..

me BS 57
Him WS 56
Married 37 years 2 sons 5 grandchildren

posts: 738   ·   registered: Feb. 17th, 2014   ·   location: France
id 6707876
default

lastdance ( member #42401) posted at 8:28 AM on Monday, March 3rd, 2014

can you go to another village or nearby town, where you won't see any of them-------but do not feel afraid ---you did nothing wrong---you have nothing to hide, be cool and do not let them ruin your life---- why would you be afraid of them4?---have you ever considered a keylogger ,var in car and home,mobile spysoftware on his mobile that also include GPS tracking------why are you stressing ,,there is so much technology out there that you can use and find out things you want to know-------if you monitor his phone you would know who calls and texts him -----you can do it----these gadgets are not expensive----

posts: 372   ·   registered: Feb. 8th, 2014   ·   location: orlando, fl
id 6707881
default

 joannie (original poster member #42486) posted at 12:33 PM on Monday, March 3rd, 2014

Ok so I can do it but don't i have to get onto his phone...passworded etc...

Picture a small village in the country, small villages nearby, winter..not much on...not may places to go yet. There are other bars but as yet at this one we were lucky !

Thanks

me BS 57
Him WS 56
Married 37 years 2 sons 5 grandchildren

posts: 738   ·   registered: Feb. 17th, 2014   ·   location: France
id 6707947
default

idiot85 ( member #38934) posted at 1:37 PM on Monday, March 3rd, 2014

Although I always felt like going to other places- and I probs should've- I never did/do.

I personally will not go further afield when I've done nothing wrong- BUT it could be because I'm stubborn and from an outside point of view, if it is detrimental I can see that maybe you should.

For me it's got better and by steadily moving on and being happy if anyone is going to be the baddie/embarrassed it's them not me.

I've also always *tried* to resist the phone checking etc. BUT I haven't always succeeded. Ive always thought that if I get into that sort of habit I wouldn't trust whereas the longer I go without checking and crucially without anything happening then I'm more on the road to trust. If I always checked the wife's phone/emails then I'm not sure I would ever reach a sturdy trust again I might even develop a habit of checking/worrying.

Not sure if I've helped but the intentions there!!!

BH-32 (me)
WW-31

Multi famam, conscientiam, pauci verentur.

posts: 605   ·   registered: Apr. 9th, 2013   ·   location: Old Blighty
id 6707994
default

 joannie (original poster member #42486) posted at 1:51 PM on Monday, March 3rd, 2014

You are right it is not normal behaviour to check the phone..do not want to stick devices on my husbands phone..won't actually.

If things go down hill will just face the music but heres hoping we are on the way, you do help all of you

me BS 57
Him WS 56
Married 37 years 2 sons 5 grandchildren

posts: 738   ·   registered: Feb. 17th, 2014   ·   location: France
id 6708001
flag

authenticnow ( member #16024) posted at 7:29 PM on Monday, March 3rd, 2014

Joannie,

You have a PM.

DS, you are forever in my heart. Thank you for sharing your beautiful spirit with me. I will always try to live by the example you have set. I love you and miss you every day and am sorry you had to go so soon, it just doesn't seem fair.

posts: 55165   ·   registered: Sep. 2nd, 2007
id 6708596
default

Morhurt ( member #40166) posted at 11:06 PM on Monday, March 3rd, 2014

This

Ok so I can do it but don't i have to get onto his phone...passworded etc...

is not transparency. He has a password on his phone that you don't know?? Not OK. Period. How can you ever feel safe and trust without complete transparency? I mean even with it, it takes years, but if he's actively hiding stuff from you... that's not really R I'm afraid.

Has he read "How to Help Your Spouse Heal from your Affair".

He has a lot more work to do.

((hugs))

Me: BS
Him: FWS
M: 15 years
4 lovely daughters
Working to rebuild.

posts: 1127   ·   registered: Aug. 3rd, 2013   ·   location: Canada
id 6708932
default

 joannie (original poster member #42486) posted at 3:06 PM on Tuesday, March 4th, 2014

He does not believe in books, C or anyhting like that

me BS 57
Him WS 56
Married 37 years 2 sons 5 grandchildren

posts: 738   ·   registered: Feb. 17th, 2014   ·   location: France
id 6709656
default

BtraydWife ( member #42581) posted at 4:25 PM on Tuesday, March 4th, 2014

He does not believe in books, C or anyhting like that

Then he doesn't believe in healing and reconciliation. He believes in rug sweeping.

You are 6 months out from your first dday but his affair behavior hasn't stopped. He 's not actually seeing her anymore but the important part is he is not reconciling with you.

Me-BW
Him-WH
DD-March 2010

posts: 5437   ·   registered: Feb. 25th, 2014   ·   location: United States
id 6709754
This Topic is Archived
Cookies on SurvivingInfidelity.com®

SurvivingInfidelity.com® uses cookies to enhance your visit to our website. This is a requirement for participants to login, post and use other features. Visitors may opt out, but the website will be less functional for you.

v.1.001.20250404a 2002-2025 SurvivingInfidelity.com® All Rights Reserved. • Privacy Policy