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Ok everyone, I get the fact that we are seeking that feeling. You all know what I am talking about... That "feeling special" thing that was ripped from our lives without any forethought. Thinking about that makes me so angry. They got the A high, and we got lost in such a whirlpool of doubt, pain and absence of the "special feeling" we possessed before our WS decided to take matters in their own hands. OK.. I get the fact they can't give it back. I understand that we have lost it in this M possibly forever. I have news for you, it is for us to take back or maybe we never lost it just gave it away. Food for thought. I for one was special before I met my WS. I was the one to attach my specialness to him and our marriage. I was misguided. I am still special even though in the past months I have not acted as such. Boy way a fool am I. I am still special and I have just remembered it. For all you out there in the same boats. How do you see your specialness? His/hers for the taking or yours to own?

How do you see your specialness? His/hers for the taking or yours to own?

Both. I'm an incredible human being. I'm kind and loyal and generous and all kinds of other things. His behavior didn't change who I am.

That said, I did feel less special TO HIM. He shared things with others that should have been reserved for us. He devoted a lot of time and energy to APs that should have been spent on me, our family and our M.

I was less than gracious reminding him of the above facts and told him point blank that he had better get his shit together and PROVE that he meant it when he said wanted to R. As heart-broken as I was, I knew I'd be OK without him.

Good point. I think that when we have a little space from the situation, it's good to realize that our worth has nothing to do with our relationships. It's about how we feel about ourselves.

Thank you both for more food for thought. It seems that is all I do anymore. No answers yet but lots of thoughts. I am stronger but sometimes no wiser. Given enough time I am sure things will work out one way or the other.