Crosby33:
Man, I've been there. So many of us have. And I'm sorry you're having to process these ugly thoughts and emotions.
I know this sounds glib, but as Betrayed Spouse situations go, yours sounds pretty enviable. A lot of us would've killed to only have to process a One Stand Night.
The truth is, even a ONS is devastating. Your anger is justified, but your desire for revenge must be subordinated.
Yes, there was another man, and sure, you'd love to slooooowly crush his nuts in a vice over a long weekend... But remember, your wife apparently put herself in the situation, and she's the one you're going to need to work through this with. The other man is irrelevant. Try to resist giving him power by making him important-- he's just a dick with a dick. That's all.
If you're traumatized by mind-movies of your wife and another man, tell her. There's nothing wrong with putting your sex life on hold while you and her work through this.
It sounds like, if your wife can be trusted, she had a miserable time-- which, again, most Betrayed spouses would kill to believe. Nevertheless, ask her to picture you with another woman in a One Night Stand. Be specific-- give her a face, a body, a person to picture you with. Give her a glimpse of the agony you're dealing with if she doesn't fully understand.
She'll need to understand it-- even if she can't fully feel it-- because she's going to have to help heal it since she caused it.
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How do Betrayed Husbands and Wives "get over it"?
Honestly, it's pretty agonizing for most everybody. Few people get over it quickly (less than a month). Many struggle with it for years. Your mileage may vary, depending on everything from your own innate self-worth, your wife's efforts to restore the marriage, etc.
Just remember:
Forgiving your wife is an act of incredible strength. Many men simply aren't strong enough to do it. If you can, I hope your wife appreciates it-- and seizes your Forgiveness as a priceless gift. The more she values it, and you, the easier it's going to be to get through this, and immunize your marriage (hopefully) from future betrayals.