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LuisaFabbian posted 3/3/2014 15:39 PM

Those of you who are regular readers know that I'm a big fan of therapy. No matter who posts what, I generally suggest that individual therapy or marital therapy can go a long way toward helping you heal.
We're messy people. All of us, not just those of us dealing with infidelity. We're the product of our parents, our culture, our personality, our education, our friends. And inevitably there are some experiences in there that mess with us, whether a bit or a whole lot. Which means that there isn't a soul among us who can't benefit from the occasional tune-up – the chance to examine the thoughts and values we hold and determine how they're contributing to our mental health and our actions. However – and this is a big however – therapy is only as good as the person offering it. A bad therapist – and I've heard some stories of really bad therapists – can do some serious emotional (and sometimes physical) damage.
A good therapist is one who helps each partner in the marriage become better able to hear and respond to the other.Don't be afraid to walk away from a therapist who's making you uncomfortable. Sometimes it's just too soon. But ask yourself if the discomfort comes from feeling re-victimized or if the therapist is urging us to examine things we'd prefer to leave unexamined. In other words, is the discomfort shouting at us to back away (unsafe) or whispering to us to move closer (scary). I hear from a lot of betrayed wives whose husbands "refuse" therapy, insisting that they can solve their own problems. That's a red flag for me. If one of the partners feels the need to get marital counselling, I'm a firm believer that the other owes them to at least try it. Those who "refuse" therapy, in my experience, are the ones who need it most. They've spent a lifetime avoiding a deeper look at their own pain.

[This message edited by LuisaFabbian at 1:49 PM, March 5th (Wednesday)]

BtraydWife posted 3/3/2014 17:47 PM

I hear from a lot of betrayed wives whose husbands "refuse" therapy, insisting that they can solve their own problems.

This goes right through me when I read this. It's so depressing. I see it as the WS saying "Let's guarantee this R thing doesn't work, and how about I further damage our relationship and your mental well being."

It screams to me. I've read it before and it's true. Their very best thinking got them here, they aren't capable of doing better on their own. They need professional guidance.

IsthereEVERanend posted 3/4/2014 01:13 AM

It is unfortunate that many of us cannot, or could not afford therapy at the time it would have been so helpful. That being said, your post is so correct.

IsthereEVERanend posted 3/4/2014 01:13 AM

[This message edited by IsthereEVERanend at 1:15 AM, March 4th (Tuesday)]