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Newest Member: FaithGrace

Reconciliation :
Ahhhh! I'm trying so hard and getting no where!

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 RyanCL (original poster new member #41959) posted at 9:44 PM on Monday, March 3rd, 2014

We are doing intensive marriage counseling, and he's participating. Through out this whole thing his being a workaholic has been a very very big deal and is almost starting to be a deal breaker. I realize his job is big and important. I also realize he's the one that pays the bills. But he promised to start making more time for us, me, our kids. And for about a week he did. Now it's almost like I should just stop trying. Why spend money on counseling and time on fixing something he doesn't seem to be trying to fix. I'm frustrated, exhausted, and scared. I don't know if I'm just looking for an easy way to blame him and run or if I'm in the right.

BS: me 28 female
WH: 30 male
Married 6 years together 8
Two amazing boys and a perfect princess!
Dday 1: September 21st 2010
Dday 2: January 2nd 2014

posts: 50   ·   registered: Jan. 7th, 2014   ·   location: arizona
id 6708801
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peoplepleaser ( member #41535) posted at 10:55 PM on Monday, March 3rd, 2014

RyanCL,

I've read in some posts that the AP is an addiction or a form of escape or both. It has been compared to being a workaholic at times, too. From what you posted I'm concerned that his new A is the job. He's avoiding something, which could be problems in the M or taking a long look at himself.

Is he in IC? I read your back story and this seems to be a pattern for him, which might mean he needs to take some time to gain some insight into why he does this...drunk or not.

What else is he doing for R? Is there NC, transparency and remorse?

XWS: 40
BS: 40
DS: 7
9 year relationship
DDay #1: September 6, 2013 EA for 5 weeks August 2013 with TT
DDay #2: January 2, 2014 EA for 6 weeks summer 2011 with TT
"I am still learning." -Michelangelo

posts: 967   ·   registered: Dec. 4th, 2013   ·   location: Midwest
id 6708920
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 RyanCL (original poster new member #41959) posted at 12:37 AM on Tuesday, March 4th, 2014

Peoplepleaser,

No he isn't in IC but that's because we don't have insurance and are paying out of pocket for MC. Yes there is nc, transparency, and lots of remorse. I feel like he's avoiding himself and how all this makes him feel like a bad person. He's told me himself he has days when he's embarrassed and ashamed to be out in public because he feels like everyone is starring at him and looking at him like he's scum. I want to be here to help him with his recovery as well as have him help me with mine, but I'm tried of fighting so hard.

BS: me 28 female
WH: 30 male
Married 6 years together 8
Two amazing boys and a perfect princess!
Dday 1: September 21st 2010
Dday 2: January 2nd 2014

posts: 50   ·   registered: Jan. 7th, 2014   ·   location: arizona
id 6709057
This Topic is Archived
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