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Ahhhh! I'm trying so hard and getting no where!

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RyanCL posted 3/3/2014 15:44 PM

We are doing intensive marriage counseling, and he's participating. Through out this whole thing his being a workaholic has been a very very big deal and is almost starting to be a deal breaker. I realize his job is big and important. I also realize he's the one that pays the bills. But he promised to start making more time for us, me, our kids. And for about a week he did. Now it's almost like I should just stop trying. Why spend money on counseling and time on fixing something he doesn't seem to be trying to fix. I'm frustrated, exhausted, and scared. I don't know if I'm just looking for an easy way to blame him and run or if I'm in the right.

peoplepleaser posted 3/3/2014 16:55 PM

RyanCL,

I've read in some posts that the AP is an addiction or a form of escape or both. It has been compared to being a workaholic at times, too. From what you posted I'm concerned that his new A is the job. He's avoiding something, which could be problems in the M or taking a long look at himself.

Is he in IC? I read your back story and this seems to be a pattern for him, which might mean he needs to take some time to gain some insight into why he does this...drunk or not.

What else is he doing for R? Is there NC, transparency and remorse?

RyanCL posted 3/3/2014 18:37 PM

Peoplepleaser,
No he isn't in IC but that's because we don't have insurance and are paying out of pocket for MC. Yes there is nc, transparency, and lots of remorse. I feel like he's avoiding himself and how all this makes him feel like a bad person. He's told me himself he has days when he's embarrassed and ashamed to be out in public because he feels like everyone is starring at him and looking at him like he's scum. I want to be here to help him with his recovery as well as have him help me with mine, but I'm tried of fighting so hard.

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