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pain still raw one year later

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morethantrying posted 3/3/2014 19:01 PM

though it has calmed quite a bit and R is going very very well, as is my own recovery...I still will have occasional strikes of is hard isn't have such conflicting feelings about some unexpected, hurtful event which brought about something much better...what an odd, confusing feelings at times.

As for the pain, I still get knocked upside the head with it and my heart actually physically hurts.... I try not to go there, but at those times it still strikes me with what has happened and what is forever part of my life and our marriage...then I realize perspective is everything and I can make it mean to my life and ours by how I wish to view it...brain and feelings don't always match...still processing it all...

[This message edited by morethantrying at 7:02 PM, March 3rd (Monday)]

deena04 posted 3/3/2014 19:04 PM

I am so sorry. You have even heard. I know people say to not make a decision for a year or more, but I think it is individual to each person as to what you can deal with.

Crushed15Feb13 posted 3/3/2014 19:13 PM


I'm a year out from first DDay, a month out from such huge TT that it amounted to a second DDay.

I know exactly what you mean about your heart physically hurting. It's worse than any heartache I've ever had. It's a terribly deep, physical pain. So sorry for your pain.

ItsaClimb posted 3/4/2014 05:33 AM

Yup, 18 months out and I still have times when the pain of it all causes a physical ache in my heart. I see progress though, as the months go by, those moments of such intense pain come further apart. I hope that indicates that healing is happening. I think all of us somehow imagined that we'd heal a lot quicker. I don't know about you, but I felt that if I was 100% certain I wanted R, then I could somehow "will" the healing to happen and it would happen really quickly. Doesn't work like that though, does it?!

such conflicting feelings about some unexpected, hurtful event which brought about something much better..

^^ so true!

lovehatelove posted 3/4/2014 06:52 AM

I'm a year out from Dday too... I know the pain you are feeling...


I still cry nearly on a daily basis.....

RipsInMyChest posted 3/4/2014 07:38 AM

14 months out for me. I agree with ItsaClimb...I thought I could just decide to heal fast...haha. This is taking so much longer and is so much harder than I thought at first.


Justgreatnews posted 3/4/2014 08:04 AM

For a noob with only 3 months, this presents me with a psych dilemma. Should I read these threads/observations, and risk implanting some kind of goofy self-fulfilling prophesy?

No doubt a topic much debated around here over time.

At the stage of one year, do you think examining more cognitive behaviour exercises might be useful now, even though it might not have been before? Things like re-directing thoughts, imagining a stop sign when you drift toward thoughts of the affair?
I've heard them all, but really only have made half-hearted attempts. Hopefully, some day I'll have the energy to work on that type of thing.

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