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morethantrying (original poster member #40547) posted at 1:01 AM on Tuesday, March 4th, 2014
though it has calmed quite a bit and R is going very very well, as is my own recovery...I still will have occasional strikes of pain....it is hard isn't it...to have such conflicting feelings about some unexpected, hurtful event which brought about something much better...what an odd, confusing feelings at times.
As for the pain, I still get knocked upside the head with it and my heart actually physically hurts.... I try not to go there, but at those times it still strikes me with what has happened and what is forever part of my life and our marriage...then I realize perspective is everything and I can make it mean to my life and ours by how I wish to view it...brain and feelings don't always match...still processing it all...
[This message edited by morethantrying at 7:02 PM, March 3rd (Monday)]
Affairs - hard on us both - but love will win.
Me: BS 57
Him: WS 64
Married 34 yrs.
dday TT from 12/2012-2/2013)...
deena04 ( member #41741) posted at 1:04 AM on Tuesday, March 4th, 2014
I am so sorry. You have even heard. I know people say to not make a decision for a year or more, but I think it is individual to each person as to what you can deal with.
Me FBS 40s, Him XWS older than me (lovemywife4ever), D, He cheated before M, forgot to tell me. I’m free and loving life.
Crushed15Feb13 ( member #38846) posted at 1:13 AM on Tuesday, March 4th, 2014
(((Morethantrying)))
I'm a year out from first DDay, a month out from such huge TT that it amounted to a second DDay.
I know exactly what you mean about your heart physically hurting. It's worse than any heartache I've ever had. It's a terribly deep, physical pain. So sorry for your pain.
Me: BH, 56
Her: WW, 56 5+ yr LTA
Married 34 yrs, 2 DS
DDay #1: 15Feb13 - OBS phone call
DDay #2: 27Jan14 - TT, length of affair 1.5 yrs longer than admitted.
Trying to understand
ItsaClimb ( member #37107) posted at 11:33 AM on Tuesday, March 4th, 2014
Yup, 18 months out and I still have times when the pain of it all causes a physical ache in my heart. I see progress though, as the months go by, those moments of such intense pain come further apart. I hope that indicates that healing is happening. I think all of us somehow imagined that we'd heal a lot quicker. I don't know about you, but I felt that if I was 100% certain I wanted R, then I could somehow "will" the healing to happen and it would happen really quickly. Doesn't work like that though, does it?!
such conflicting feelings about some unexpected, hurtful event which brought about something much better..
^^ so true!
BS 52
Together 35 yrs, M 31 years
2 daughters 30yo(married with 2 children) & 25yo
D-Day 18 Aug 2012
6mth EA lead to 4mth PA with CO-W. I found out 8 1/2 yrs later
lovehatelove ( member #42541) posted at 12:52 PM on Tuesday, March 4th, 2014
I'm a year out from Dday too... I know the pain you are feeling...
(((HUGS)))
I still cry nearly on a daily basis.....
RipsInMyChest ( member #41166) posted at 1:38 PM on Tuesday, March 4th, 2014
14 months out for me. I agree with ItsaClimb...I thought I could just decide to heal fast...haha. This is taking so much longer and is so much harder than I thought at first.
(((Morethantrying)))
Me: BW 43 (39 at DDay 1)
FWH 43 (39 at DDay 1) (RibsInHerChest)
Together 23 yrs, M 20, 2 kids
DDay: 12/11/12 ONS with CW
Massive TT due to poly: 1/4/2015 full blown EA/3 week PA
Didn't use condom, I got chlamydia.
Reconciling
Justgreatnews ( member #41666) posted at 2:04 PM on Tuesday, March 4th, 2014
For a noob with only 3 months, this presents me with a psych dilemma. Should I read these threads/observations, and risk implanting some kind of goofy self-fulfilling prophesy?
No doubt a topic much debated around here over time.
At the stage of one year, do you think examining more cognitive behaviour exercises might be useful now, even though it might not have been before? Things like re-directing thoughts, imagining a stop sign when you drift toward thoughts of the affair?
I've heard them all, but really only have made half-hearted attempts. Hopefully, some day I'll have the energy to work on that type of thing.
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