I am so sorry for the situation you find yourself in and all your pain. I am no expert at 7 months out but I have picked up a few things along the way. It hurts so badly, it truly is the worst pain you can have, to be betrayed and lied to by the one person you feel you can always rely on.
A few things come to mind. I may be a bit disjointed as I am typing amidst the kiddos.
First, what are you doing for YOU, for your own healing and growth? I encourage you to focus on you. I hear you talking a lot about him. IC, caring for yourself like you would want your own daughter to care for herself, cultivating hobbies/ interests/friends. Working on you, benefits you and the relationship.
Second, I am very concerned that your WH has not had IC. Has he read books, done research, is he transparent, is he proactive about helping you heal, is he giving you whatever you need? He's said he wanted to tell you about the affair after you moved so you could label it a bad time in your lives, and move on. If indeed he really did intend to to end it and tell you( and they all do, at least once they get caught), it sounds to me like he wanted to manipulate you into staying by choosing when/ where to tell you, and then " move on" or Rugsweep to avoid the pain and discomfort of fully dealing with things. You seem to be making excuses for why he did what he did, and the way I read what you wrote, you are on your way to rugsweeping. It seems to me that you (and he) aren't looking deeply at what was broken and what needs fixing - just writing it off to a stressful time, it won't happen again and by the way let's get married. I am concerned that you are entering into a marriage with a lot of unpacked baggage.
What happens during the next stressful time that comes along? Because come along they will. That's life. What about the next time you are stressed or busy and can't look at he lettuce for him every day? If he hasn't learned better ways to cope and hasn't thoroughly examined what he did, he is very likely to cheat again. After all, it's on his radar now.
From my own experience, and the experience of many others here, I can tell you that rugsweeping is a ticket back to this same situation later on. It is sooooo much worse a second time. Don't let it slide like I did. Face this head on, dissect it, figure it out, work through it - and demand he do the same. Something in him, his "emotional baggage" if you will, made it possible for him to choose cheating. He needs to drag it out into the daylight and get a real good look at it.
Don't let it go, Foxyfox. Don't do what I did. You, he, and your life together are worth resolving this properly.
I wish you peace.
[This message edited by iwillNOT at 3:21 PM, March 4th (Tuesday)]