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Newest Member: BrnEyes777 (45750)

User Topic: On the edge
Monster62
♂ 42647
Member # 42647
Default  Posted: 1:19 AM, March 4th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Last night when I came home, BS told me she doesn't want to see me, hear me, or have me in her life. She said I have "one shot" to tell her everything about affair #1. When I walked in the door she was on the phone and taking notes. I suspect it was a conversation with OW#1. She had said she would be talking to her.

She said she wants everything and to leave nothing out. That she doesn't want long pauses, three word sentences, or any "I don't knows."

I have no idea what OW#1 told her or how truthful she was. I will be truthful - my only hope - but I am terrified that the stories can't possibly perfectly synch up. It ended 15 years ago. BS said if I miss or lie about any detail, it's over. When I confessed to affair #1 on Sunday, I don't feel I was untruthful. I initially got some dates wrong but when confronted with "the math" I realized I was wrong and then ended up confessing to a longer period of time than it actually was until I redid the time period again. My brain is shot.

I offered to do it last night but she said she didn't want to. That she had a busy day at work coming up in the morning. Now its 2am and I am terrified of what tomorrow evening will bring. I am going to try to write it out at my desk tomorrow.


Me: WS 52
Her: BS 48
DD#1: Oct 2013
DD#2: March 2014
2 children: DS 16, DD 8

Posts: 29 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: USA
BrokenButTrying
♀ 42111
Member # 42111
Default  Posted: 1:34 AM, March 4th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A timeline is a good idea, writing it all down helps people to get things as accurate as possible.

However, it's popular thinking here on SI that there shouldn't be added pressure of a deadline. At least, not a short one anyway. Many BS give the WS a few weeks. Only allowing hours seems counter productive to me, if what she wants is the whole truth.

Your desire to be completely truthful is admirable. The depth of your feeling for your BW and your remorse shine through in your words, in all your posts. Could you show your BW your posts here? I think they might be of some comfort to her.

As for the timeline. Give it your best shot, prehaps start with a disclaimer that you feel you would do better if you had more time. Not because you want to fabricate anything, but because you want to get all the details right and be as truthful as possible.

Good luck, Monster. Sending strength.


Me - 27
Him - 27
Madhatters

My Ddays - Jan 2010 & 12/04/14
His Dday - 23/12/13

Chin up. Unwavering. Fight. I can do this.


Posts: 1267 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: UK
grains
♂ 32590
Member # 32590
Default  Posted: 2:02 AM, March 4th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with Broken. Give it your best try and humbly ask for more time so you can have a better recollection of what happened. I feel you have resolved to be a better and healthier person and that you want to reconcile with your BS. This will be difficult and painful work. One of the first steps to recovery is the acknowledgement to yourself and your BS of what you have done. The timeline helps in this. There will be other things - remorse, humble acceptance of our BS' rage and anger and the acceptance of their decision about the marriage. This will be needed all the time. Hang in there. I wish you strength and peace.


WH 60
BS 50
No Children
Together 17 years
Married 7/21/2001
D-day 03/01/2011

Posts: 313 | Registered: Jun 2011
isadora
♀ 29130
Member # 29130
Default  Posted: 5:22 AM, March 4th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Keep calm. Panic will not help. Let go of the outcome and do your best to recall the events.

Good luck.


Me: BW Him: WH
Married: 12 yrs
2 DDs and DSs all under 10
2 Affairs - 2010 year long PA/EA, 2008 2 month online EA
Multiple D-Days

I can only control myself, no one else. I do not have that kind of power.


Posts: 4517 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Back home again in Indiana
Monster62
♂ 42647
Member # 42647
Default  Posted: 8:15 AM, March 4th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So easy to tell myself to keep calm, so hard to do it.

I slept in 1-2 hour intervals. Tuesday is my day to get the 7 year old on the bus so I stayed in the guestroom, heard my son get ready, wife get ready. 7 year old playing with dogs. Heard wife and son leave. My heart breaking with every sound of a family life that I have crapped all over and will probably never participate in again.

I don't think she will be at all receptive to "more time" to get it right. I need to be ready tonight. Maybe that's not fair, but I can hardly ask for fairness - my behavior - my choices - are what got me here and I will have to face it tonight.

What sucks is that the last 4 1/2 months have in many ways been the best of our marriage. I feel like more of a real human being than I think I ever have. I really have worked hard since October and I desperately want to stay married. to my wife. I know now - far too late - that she is the best person in the world for me and that I am broken, not her.

I know - I KNOW - I could never do this again.

I will face her questions tonight with absolute honesty. I don't know what OW#1 told her and it scares me that she may believe her story over mine if or where it differs. I know I can't control that.


Me: WS 52
Her: BS 48
DD#1: Oct 2013
DD#2: March 2014
2 children: DS 16, DD 8

Posts: 29 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: USA
Monster62
♂ 42647
Member # 42647
Default  Posted: 4:21 PM, March 4th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She just came home. I spent hours writing a cofession letter.
here goes....


Me: WS 52
Her: BS 48
DD#1: Oct 2013
DD#2: March 2014
2 children: DS 16, DD 8

Posts: 29 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: USA
BrokenButTrying
♀ 42111
Member # 42111
Default  Posted: 4:26 PM, March 4th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good luck!


Me - 27
Him - 27
Madhatters

My Ddays - Jan 2010 & 12/04/14
His Dday - 23/12/13

Chin up. Unwavering. Fight. I can do this.


Posts: 1267 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: UK
badchoice
♂ 35566
Member # 35566
Default  Posted: 4:34 PM, March 4th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

best of luck to you both.


Me: fWH/BH 46

Separated transitioning to D


Posts: 730 | Registered: May 2012 | From: L.A.
Topic Posts: 8

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