I think you are a long way from losing that feeling of doom. How is it 2 weeks of NC when he just spoke with her last week!
I needed months and months of confirmed no contact and feeling like he was forthcoming and 100% honest with me.
Your WH doesn't sound like he is forthcoming. This time span can't start while he is still "fighting" you over A stuff.
Sometimes I still get the overwhelming need to double check everything. I'm not sure when it goes away forever, or if it ever does.
i need to learn to trust in myself, my ability to be enough for him
You do need to trust yourself and believe in what you know is true. You are enough.
Now trusting that you are enough for him? As in, he won't cheat again-is not up to you to work towards. He needs to be taking actions to prove he is man enough to remain married to you.
That means being honest with you about everything at all times, taking action to fix the broken thing inside him that allowed him to cheat, EARNING back your trust, helping you heal the pain he caused you, no contact at all with AP, full transparency with all devices, and finally dropping the entitled prick attitude he seems to have.
You won't start feeling better until you start to get all those things. Then he has to keep all that up forever.
TT for 6 months
Unremorseful for 3.5 years
Delay is the deadliest form of denial. - C. Northcote Parkinson
Your standards aren't up for negotiation just because he/she can't meet them.