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Newest Member: Herself (45715)

User Topic: my second DDay
soloney
♀ 42621
Member # 42621
Default  Posted: 12:50 PM, March 4th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

About 11 months ago I found out about my H's long term EA with his ex. I confronted him about it. He admitted to the lies and everything he was hiding. NC was established right away and has not been broken by him. I've been trying to recover, but it's been a rocky road.
I knew he had seen her 3-4 times in person while we were dating. I asked him what happened when he saw her and he said nothing. He even slept at her house twice but slept on her couch. This never sat well with me. So last week I asked him once again what had happened, still nothing. So the next day while I work I texted him the question. He admitted it to me. I asked him everything over text, when, where...He answered it all. I don't know why but I immediately felt this sense of relief. I knew he had been lying to me all along but finally I got the truth.
After I found out I distanced myself from him. I wasn't talking, texting, touching. He reacted to my change in behavior with complete kindness. He was paying so much attention to me, when I was not paying any attention to him.
But then I broke down last night. I had been keeping all of my emotions in. I broke down and cried in front of him last night. It felt like I had made some progress, but I took a giant step backwards. sigh....

Posts: 84 | Registered: Feb 2014
Skan
♀ 35812
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 1:57 PM, March 4th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((HUGS))) Listen, you're allowed to be human. You're not a machine and you're not an indifferent bystander. This is horrible, hard shit. And frankly, especially if a WH is acting remorseful, they SHOULD see the damage that they have wrought! He murdered your marriage, your trust, and your security. These are all things worth mourning. I fully remember sobbing so hard in my bed that my FWH would come in from the couch he was sleeping on, would comfort me until I regained my composure and then couldn't stand to have him near me again, and watching him leave to go back to sleep on the couch. You better bet he saw exactly what his actions had caused in me. And I don't regret clubbing him over the head with that at all.

You continue doing what you need to do to take care of yourself. And be kind to yourself. You're worth SO much kindness.


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 5085 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
norabird
♀ 42092
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 2:40 PM, March 4th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Personally I don't think it's healthy to keep all the emotions in. Denying them won't make them go away...but if you let yourself go through them, you can come out on the other side eventually.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4203 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
silentscream13
♀ 41693
Member # 41693
Default  Posted: 2:46 PM, March 4th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Personally I don't think it's healthy to keep all the emotions in. Denying them won't make them go away...but if you let yourself go through them, you can come out on the other side eventually.

This. What norabird said. I kept my emotions inside for years, even before my WH's A, and it nearly destroyed me. Now, due to my WH's A, I have no where left to stuff them. For the first time in years, even through all this pain, I feel some relief.

It is hard to work through the emotions, but you are actually stronger for doing that rather than keeping them all inside.


ME: BS- 40; HIM: WS - 40 (lostmymind13); 4 kids
Sexting,OEA/NO PA (planning it b/f he got caught) w/ EX-GF; extreme porn use our entire relationship.
D-day - 11-14-13
Together: 18 years; Married: 15 years
Status: He wants to R. Me? Meh.

Posts: 286 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Nowhere and Everywhere
Topic Posts: 4

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