Hello, I am new to SI, and I am very grateful to have found this forum! I have been struggling with my feelings and thoughts for awhile.
WBF and I have been off and on for 11 years. I've tried to leave the past in the past, only to find out recently that when we dated over the years, he hasn't been faithful at all. We started talking and getting together, ďdatingĒ again but with no labels about a year and a half ago. We moved in together about a year ago now and have been exclusively together with friends, family, and social media. I knew about some other girls before we put labels on our relationship and I moved in, but then found out about girls even after we moved in together. I found out right before I moved in, he had cheated on me with his best friendís roommate who lived two doors down from us. He continued this PA and EA with her for a few months after I had moved in. I found out his friends were great at keeping his secrets and lying to me. I thought these people were my friends also, since they were all I had as I moved a long distance to move in my BF.
We were long distance for a little while and the whole time when he told me he was at ďworkĒ, which I found out he had quit his job and was just partying like crazy and sleeping around with half the city, including this girl who lived two doors down from us.
I feel so lost about where to go from here. Weíve been working on our relationship but every time his phone buzzes, I get suspicious or he goes out with friends, I donít know how to trust him and not always think the worst. He says he wants to change and be with me and just me but I donít know how to ever trust him again. He claimed the whole time he was sleeping around that he loved me and was trying to get me back, but I feel like if he really did love me and want to be with me, why would be hurt me like this.
He has made a few major changes. We moved to a closeby town where we arenít surrounded by the drinking and partying crowd as much. He doesnít have a car so heís not out as much and isnít drinking or partying as much (he agreed this was a big trigger for his infidelity). I find myself wanting him to go out, almost as a test to see if he can be true to me. He canít avoid drinking and seeing these friends for the rest of his life and if he really canít keep it in his pants, I would like to know sooner than later.
I recently had a miscarriage and have been struggling with my emotions on all levels and donít know where to go from here. I really do love him and want to make this work, I just canít get these images of the OW out of my mind. He wants to know what he can do to help me but I donít know if anything ever will? Will anything but time help this? And will time even help? As time goes on, I still have all of the same feelings of being hurt and frustrated and betrayed. Thanks for letting me vent, living in a new city with no real friends to trust or anyone to talk to is really taking a toll on me. I canít sleep, when I do I have nightmares and usually wake up screaming. He is still "friends" with a lot of the OW on social media sites and never posts anything about me and hardly ever goes on anymore, only to talk through certain chats only to delete them soon after.
Iím having major issues with our ďanniversaryĒ. I feel like the day we made a commitment together wasnít anything based on truth, he keeps making comments about celebrating our milestones, small and large, based on our anniversary and it makes me sick thinking I worked so hard for this relationship and put up with so much, lies, betrayal, and for him to try and a celebrate a day that he agreed to be with me and just meÖ.It literally makes me sick. Does anyone have advice for moving past this? I hate to pick a new date but I canít celebrate our ďrelationshipĒ when he was out screwing his wh*res.
Thanks for listening to me vent. I'm still new at this and trying my best to be ok but I know I am not.