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So....anyones work find out about the affair?

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blakesteele posted 3/4/2014 16:06 PM

Not that this is a big deal to me....but in all likelyhood SOME people at work may have found out about my wifes affair.

Almost didn't post about I am 20 months out now and am in a spot to view this as a nusance rather than an issue....KWIM?

Can't change our past. I have forgiven my wife. We are months into R. We both have residual pain over the affair....and have more pain over how we chose to "do marriage" as we did.

My wife has apologized to me, and I to her for the pain we caused each other....but don't have anything to apologize to anyone at work about it is not an issue of "damage control". It really is between my wife and I.

Anyone had this happen? Results of it?

God be with us all.

[This message edited by blakesteele at 4:19 PM, March 4th (Tuesday)]

ncharge posted 3/4/2014 16:17 PM

Everybody at my WH's workplace knew there was something going on - WH and OW joked, teased, and flirted so much. They also knew when it ended because things were suddenly cold, angry, and uncomfortable. It is humiliating to walk in there and know that people know. There were no consequences.

Morhurt posted 3/4/2014 16:20 PM

My H told his co-owner, no details, just that he was unfaithful to me and needed to take time off to help me heal. For the most part I'm glad, sometimes I wish he had fessed to the part about 2 APs being customers and one being on a business trip. But I'm ok without that for now. He would do it if I asked him to, so I don't need to.

I'm a SAHM so no coworkers to find out. But I know everyone was very worried about me and I got many "checking in" type texts etc from other moms.

blakesteele posted 3/4/2014 16:24 PM

The rumor mill in our little town chewed on my wifes affair a bit maybe 4-7 months ago.....was a splash in the pan as near as we can tell.

Honestly, some at work may have known longer than I suspect as the first year was really tough....pretty much did my job as best I could while licking my wounds.....not sure I was very observant to "office dynamics"....kind of a "drug year" for me, not really remember a whole lot about my job or working really. I am blessed to have really good teammembers and a job I was very comfortable at doing pre-A....kind of coasted a bit.

Thanks ncharge.

I was embarrassed at first...thinking I was less of a man because my wife choose to have sex with another. That was then and tied up in some really influencial, but subtly hidden FOO issues at the time.

My journey has shown what most "old timers" on SI already wifes affair was not about me, was not my choice, and therefore I can take no ownership in it...including embarassment.

I see you are a new member....welcome to SI! Thanks for chiming in.


[This message edited by blakesteele at 4:26 PM, March 4th (Tuesday)]

blakesteele posted 3/4/2014 16:40 PM

Nicely done Mr. Morhurt.

It is encouraging when a WS decides to step up and tend to their mess. Morhurt, I know you kinda wished he would have done more but see in your posts that you have a full apprecation for the actions he HAS done and continues to do.

Thanks for contributing to this post.

You both continue to be on my specific SI prayer list.


[This message edited by blakesteele at 4:41 PM, March 4th (Tuesday)]

Tearsoflove posted 3/4/2014 16:41 PM

The OW's husband called me at work so everyone in my office knows.

blakesteele posted 3/4/2014 16:42 PM did it go? Any fall out?

If you answered as fully as you wanted to....just disregard my owe me nothing.


Zayda1 posted 3/4/2014 17:03 PM

I told my boss and was advised to tell upper management about my maritial issues. It did help. They cut me some slack on my hours (let me take time off for therapy) and didn't ask questions. Now 22 months later it is a non-issue. I have a new boss and have decided not to tell him as my work has been for for a while now.

WH told his boss about his affair. He was to go away for training and his boss was able to make excuses as to why he couldn't leave town. WH has a new boss now and has decided not to tell him, but said he would if it was needed.

I am glad we told people. We didn't tell everyone, just specific people who we felt needed to be aware.

Tearsoflove posted 3/4/2014 17:03 PM

I sat down with my boss and discussed it in relationship to how it might affect my work. I was very upset, of course, and that kind of distress doesn't go unnoticed. Another of my coworkers had been through her husband's affair previously so she understood. But, other than that, there's not much to tell. It was a personal matter that didn't have anything to do with the job other than the affect on me so I was given a little leeway as far as being upset goes but the office kept right on turning along with the world.

karmahappens posted 3/4/2014 17:08 PM

I called my boss one weekend and told her. I think she must have been a BS at some point in her life. She put me in sick for the weekend I drove to NY to catch the A and told me to get to an IC and get a doctors note.

I had a ton of sick time stored and I used it.

They were wonderful.

A few people at my husband's work know about it.

I have zero shame. We have managed to create a marriage that is solid.

We never would have gotten here without going through the storm....

Darkness Falls posted 3/4/2014 17:37 PM

People at my/XH's/AP's work likely suspected the affair. After D-day, I told some coworkers, including our supervisors (who probably spread it further). The bosses didn't care who was doing what with whom as long as our work got done.

spond posted 3/4/2014 17:44 PM

Since my wife's A was with another employee, we both felt that we didn't want anyone to loose their jobs. So I/fWW/AP/OBS did NOT tell anyone at my wife's/AP place of business. My wife's old boss (at the same business) knows about the A, but not with who.

I told my boss a few details and he is supportive in me to do whatever I need to do.

I believe the OBS' place of employment might know something, since I called her at work in the middle of the day and told her about the A.

Alyssamd24 posted 3/4/2014 17:46 PM

I am a WW and had an A with the father of one of the children in my class. After I confessed to his BW I told my director the truth, and later met with her and the pastor.

Some of my coworkers knew about the A as it was happening.

My director let me resign from my position rather than fire me.

Holly-Isis posted 3/4/2014 18:14 PM

When I called to talk to a friend about the A, I asked her if her H knew xOw2. The H, xOw2 and MrH all,worked for the same company. MrH is at a different location. She replied that her H suspected MrH of having an A as he had seen him driving around with a woman in his car. MrH would pick xOw2 up and drive her to and from work. Somehow MrH actually believed nobody saw or suspected that daily interaction.

After a particularly bad round of TT, I called the work cell number I had for MrH. He was overseas. Some strange guy answered. Apparently overnight MrH had turned the phone in and gotten a better one. I asked the guy if he knew MrH, he said yes. I told him to tell that lying, cheating bastard if he wanted to come home again he better call his wife, ready to tell the truth. MrH said he walked into the office and everybody stopped talking. The guy told him to call home. MrH asked if that was the whole message and the guy said no. He refused to tell MrH the whole message. I told him when he asked. His response was no wonder the people acted like they did.

More recently I learned that MrH and xOw2 talked about admitting to the A when they had their regular background checks. There was no option so they admitted to the ongoing A. First her, then him. Apparently in the background check when he got hired, he told the investigator the truth about 1A being a PA. It was the early months after d-day and I want nearly a decade thinking it was "just" an EA. People at his work knew the truth before I did.

No repercussions. He told me early after d-day that if I outed him, his job was at risk because he was a contractor but hers was safe as she's staff. They already knew. Turns out As are accepted there like they were when he was a cop. Nature of the work. the most he had to face was gossip in the office overseas and he owned that as his fault for the A and TT.

My friend's H apparently did have to teach her in a class a couple of years later. He knew of her, she didn't know him. Apparently it felt awkward for him knowing some of what she had done with MrH.

Besides that, I'm pretty much the only one that's had to deal with any fall out for the A.

rachelc posted 3/4/2014 18:19 PM

I offered to tell my boss but my husband said he'd be too embarrassed the next time he saw him.

We didn't tell hubbys' work. However, I did tell OW1's boss and that didn't go well for her. She threatened harrassment charges against me. Hubby also told my AP's new boss as a warning...

I think I can posted 3/4/2014 18:19 PM

Since I called my friends at his work place and told them, and told them to spread it around please, on the day I kicked him out? Yup, pretty sure everyone knows. :)

whattheh posted 3/4/2014 18:22 PM

I'm a freelance type and I haven't told anyone at my current project. I've been there almost 2years and I' m sure they wondered why my eyes were so red some mornings. The work actually helped me get thru it as I was able to engross my mind in my project work. But my reliabilty and accuracy has held up so guess they figured I'm not doing any substance abuse. After dDay I had to call in sick 2 days... But given my contractor status I felt I would be let go if I wasn't able to stay focused so better they didn't know...

[This message edited by whattheh at 6:24 PM, March 4th (Tuesday)]

Rebreather posted 3/4/2014 18:32 PM

I work in a small office environment. I told a coworker my first day at work after I found out because she knew something major was wrong. About 20 minutes later my boss looked at me and said, "he's having an affair." Guess it was written all over my face.

It was fine for me. It was a time frame when I could not take any time off, but my boss found a way for me to sneak out for therapy and occasional tears in the stairwell.

No negative fallout.

rachelc posted 3/4/2014 19:00 PM

yeah, every 6th hour for 5 months i had a good cry in room 1 - the only room not being used in my building. I'm sure ppl knew something. That and I weighed what I did 7th grade and ppl were going to my boss asking him to do something. When they asked I said the empty nest was hitting us hard.

Skan posted 3/4/2014 19:36 PM

Luckily for me, I work in what is essentially a two-person office and I am alone in the building about 80% of the time. My boss sits in a back office, when she it there and I sit in the front office.

I told her that we were having marital problems and essentially she gave me the freedom to go to therapy, be late when needed, etc., as long as I was able to get my job done. I didn't tell her that it was an A, however I'm pretty sure that she knows. Pretty sure that our off-site system administrator knows too, since when he logs onto my computer SI is the most frequent internet site that I have open!

FWH's work was so toxic that I know that he didn't tell anyone. He no longer works there.

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