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Newest Member: DJC1978 (60705)

User Topic: Anti ego, reign me in
♀ 32616
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 11:34 AM, March 5th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Since the mess that brought me here Iíve struggled with accepting that people have egos. Though I myself might not always be the best practitioner, I really value humility. Not having to speak for accomplishments just says so much more to me about character than bragging about every little achievement or denigrating others.

Ok so there is that, and Iím fine with my value, but Iíve noticed Iím oddly hyper vigilant about umm, admonishing ego in others. I know itís hypocritical but it just sets something off in me. Even a comment about appreciating a fictitious, narcissistic character (House, Sherlock, Frank Underwood) for their superior intellect, sarcasm or scheming, compels me to clarify that the character is interesting and compelling, but certainly not a role model.

My SO was really excited about his ďcoolĒ new professor last night, and he was telling me all the little things he said in class, and rather than just be happy that SO was happy, all I could think was, this guy sounds like an insufferable narcissist, is this what you aspire to be?

Anyone else struggle with this? Any clue how to check my judgment of judgment at the door?

ďHappiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue.Ē ― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning

Posts: 3640 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
♀ 42092
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 1:57 PM, March 5th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't think you need to check this type of judgment. Nothing against your SO but I think idealizing these types of personalities is its own red flag and that your reaction is warranted.

Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4324 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
♀ 17460
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 2:00 PM, March 5th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He's the shiny new professor.

Give it awhile.


Fidelity isn't a's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09

Posts: 21377 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
♀ 37933
Member # 37933
Default  Posted: 2:14 PM, March 5th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If your SO admires douche type behavior and characteristics in others, that is a huge red flag that should not be overlooked.

If he's just all hyped up on someone new, that's normal. I've "fallen in love" with professors, it's normal.

Posts: 421 | Registered: Dec 2012
Member # 12050
Default  Posted: 8:26 PM, March 5th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Stop after somebody praises something be it a movie character, book character or some body in real life and if you have to say something ask what it is exactly that they admire about the person. They might have a valid reason for admiring an asshole trait in somebody. An example for me is Ally McBeal, that lawyer from TV who always prioritized her own issues. I have never been able to do that and although I would not want to go as far as her I still wish I had a little bit more of that attitude. Sometimes when we lack a quality ourselves and see it in another person we can't help but admire it.


Posts: 3127 | Registered: Sep 2006 | From: newfoundland
Topic Posts: 5

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