Me-30 ,Two boys, 11 and 9
So, my parents think we have a good relationship, we don't, they just like to tell me I'm crazy, I'm too emotional, or I'm playing the martyr when I try to talk to them about anything, so, I've learned to say little around them.
Back in September, I went off on my mom about a lot of things, abuse, being denied an education, etc. and she "apologized". She told me she was sorry for my perception of my childhood but hoped I'd learn to forgive. I broke my foot in October, and neither parent, nor any of my almost dozen siblings called once to see if I needed anything. I'd shop by dropping my 9yr old off at the door to get a wheelchair, I'd park, he and his brother would bring the chair over, help me out, and push the chair for me. I recently (Sunday night) had the opportunity to say this hurt me. I got "you could have called us, but...whatever, you'll think what you want and be the martyr."
My mom then came up to visit the next day. I'm scheduled for surgery and major dental work Friday. My family is not reliable. Aussie and I planned this very carefully, for him to be there, he's leaving work early,for the kids to be with my ex MIL. H even took time off the next week in case I needed him. As my mom was leaving her visit she informed me that she planned to be there because Aussie might be distracted and I'd need her.
To me this is typical, she wants to look like she's helping, without actually being any help. Then, if I don't like the idea, she can play the victim and tell how she just can't do anything right, I'm so mean, she was just trying to help. And of course, the fact I was mad nobody helped when my foot was broke will get thrown up as well, that she was just trying to fix it. But there is a difference between asking if I need something when I'm the only adult at my house, and inviting yourself to the waiting room because you don't think my husband can take care of me.
I need to tell her I don't want her there. I did tell her that, I said I would be concerned with making sure other people were comfortable,and unable to relax and I would be self conscious about my looks, I'd prefer just Aussie is there. She told me I was silly, that if I couldn't relax, that was on me and she'd be there. I need to tell her today, she is not to come. I did say that, how do I say it better?
It will all be ok in the end. If it's not ok, it's not the end
Happily remarried to a wonderful man (Aussie). I think I found the right guy and the right finger this time.