Every time I see this quandary presented in an advice column or just any internet message board, the standard advice is always the same:
"It's none of your business."
"Don't get involved."
"You'd just be hurting an innocent person."
"Maybe they have an arrangement."
Now that I know the pain of being a BS, those attitudes INFURIATE me. Pardon my language, but all of that advice is bullshit.
The BS deserves to know. Period. Every one of us has a right to know what's going on in our respective marriages.
Do I have the right to bring so much pain into so many lives or should I just keep my mouth shut and mind my own business??
A third party who outs an A isn't causing any pain. The WS caused the pain.
And the whole idea of minding your own business is ridiculous. If I see a thief grab a purse from the back of a woman's chair while she's paying attention to something else, by that logic I shouldn't yell "Hey, that guy grabbed your purse!"
My WH's best friend knew about the A almost from the beginning. Plenty of WH's coworkers suspected and some knew. The OBS knew within the first year of the A.
And nobody told me. What I wouldn't have given for some kind of hint, just anybody telling me, "Hey, check his phone."