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Mommato5 posted 3/5/2014 20:07 PM

How Long do the physical symptoms last after finding out about the betrayal? I am so sick of trembeling, being hot and sweaty one minute, freezing cold the next, and always feeling the need to vomit!

Howie posted 3/5/2014 20:22 PM

Look , it is going to get better,I mean physically.There's no one rule: the betrayals differ, we differ in our bodies, minds.I can only speak to my case: the worst of the physical stuff had really lessened and steadily, by four-six weeks: the no sleep,the no appetite,the nausea, the fatigue like a million pounds. After that,physically I was fine. Hang in there- you are stronger than this. Honest honest-You will get better.Your sick time may be shorter.

StuckinNJagain posted 3/5/2014 20:24 PM

I cant tell how long they last but i have fared much better with anti anxiety meds personally.

joannie posted 3/6/2014 01:45 AM

my sick time is slowly going, but i still tremble around my heart ..actually can feel it aching,maybe as the OW lives u the road and i have to see her when she drives up and down to work etc, but it is getting easier, the shakes are less, but inwardly they are there and raise their ugly head still. it does ease as time goes by but when it will stop who knows, we are all different, but all here for each other

BtraydWife posted 3/6/2014 08:39 AM

My symptoms were not making daily life possible. I got anxiety meds and sleeping pills. They helped me get a jump start in the right direction. I took the anxiety meds for several months and the sleeping pill (ambien)for almost a year.

The only thing I take now is trazadone for sleep. It's an AD med that given at a low dose makes you drowsy approx. 20 minutes after taking it, then that wears off. It does not help keep you asleep. I'm much more comfortable with it than with the ambien.

I think the main symptoms slowly fade and take a different time for each person. They will all remain, however, even in just the background, until the reasons they happened are no longer a threat. Sometimes this part takes years.

Mommas need to be able to focus some time for the kids. Get whatever you think you need for now. It doesn't have to be forever.

Lovedyoumore posted 3/6/2014 08:53 AM

The initial panic symptoms left after about 3 months. I still cannot sleep without meds, I feel panicked when I leave my house alone, and I have no energy. I did lose weight at first and then it came back on, plus. Now I am dealing with hair loss as I have lost at least half of my hair. I used to have really good hair. My face has aged 10 years in 3 and I feel 80 years old.

Long Gone posted 3/6/2014 09:08 AM

Mine lasted 4 months in some form or the other.

The killers lasted a month (weight loss, sleeplessness, sweats etc)

The one that I will never forget is the fake cell phone buzz around my abdomen and waist. It was so weird.....It felt like my cell was on me and on vibrate.....turns out....its a stress reaction....freaky as anything. I googled it and was scared to death because it also is a precursor symptom to I was...buzzing like a damn cell phone...worried about having MS....and having to eat an A....

it went away at the 7 month mark.....turns out stress does shit to your body you cant make up

ncharge posted 3/6/2014 09:14 AM

I'm very worried about WH. He has chest pains every time I have have a meltdown. I'm sure it is stress, but chest pains always worry me. I can't wait for him to go to the doctor. He is just waiting for his insurance card.

UKgirl posted 3/7/2014 09:37 AM

You just have to let them ride over you. Go with them, donít fight it. If you can, sit quietly and just concentrate on breathing slowly and gently. Have a green tea or sip a glass of water. Let the symptoms subside, sit for a bit longer and then get on with your day.

You may find other side effects from the trauma. Remember this IS a trauma and bereavement and so the symptoms will be similar. Your hair may dull, become brittle and fall out. Your skin may be affected and look dull and blotchy. It may become dry. Make sure you visit the dentist. I had cavities in the months afterwards Ė the dentist gently suggested bulimia or a short term illness involving vomiting as the erosion was the sort caused by stomach acid (being sick). Your nails might change too. You might lose weight at an alarming rate. All these crazy things are normal.

Ensure you look after yourself physically. Eat little and often. Drink plenty (but not too much alcohol!). Exercise, especially in the fresh air. If you can, have some massage to relieve the stress. If you need to, see your doctor for something to help you through these early days.

There is no time frame. Take one hour, one day at a time. All I can say is it will get better and that the most important thing is to take care of yourself. You canít look after others unless you do.

CantLoseHope posted 3/7/2014 10:14 AM

I am going on 10 months of physical symptoms, granted they have decreased in frequency, meaning its not constant anymore, but they are still there and come and go. I am sorry for "bad news" but on the bright side everyone is different.

damnUnicorns posted 3/7/2014 10:14 AM

Wow! The replies really helped me. Thanks for asking this question!
I'm sorry you are hurting... it's crazy how the emotions & physical stuff tie together so deeply.
I was doing a bit better most days. When my husband first left I couldn't even get through a quick grocery store trip without crying.
Sadly I'm back to that after my recent Dday.
Physically I have chronic pain, but it worsens each time I have big emotional upsets. 2 days after my recent Dday my Dad was taken to the ER & placed in ICU ( he's home now). The night sweats, repeated waking, inability to eat, rubbery legs, hot/cold flashes & panic attacks all came back with a vengeance. I still sit & shake with this horrible hot flag feeling every time H brings you something like bills/things I know relate to OW/ future. It's basically terror that I'm trying to stuff.
I'm at 1.5 years separated, but with a reality new D day.
I'm still navigating this new reality. .. but before the recent A confirmation I was getting through most days better.
DON'T feel pressured to feel any certain way at any certain time. That's the last of your worries. We are all individuals. ((( hugs)))

Definitely seek antidepressants if you can. I had to go off mine due to finances, & now a layoff. .. otherwise they REALLY helped me with my pain ( RA & fibromyalgia) & mood...
.I'd go back on if I could!

ncharge posted 3/7/2014 12:46 PM

I can't sleep, have hot flashes, can't eat much, physical aches and pains, and a very dry mouth. My fingernails and hair are suddenly dry and break off easily. I also picked up some habits such as biting my nails and cuticles, bouncing my leg when I sit, and other basic anxiety type stuff.

aero1122 posted 3/7/2014 20:46 PM

I am at 3 months since d-day and I still cant sleep. I still cry at random times that I can't control and have anxiety as well. I look like I have aged 5 years in the past 3 months. I am not as consumed with it as in the beginning. I can go a few hours without thinking about it. Also I have become very good at hiding it in front of the kids.
I dont have the shakes anymore or the gut wrenching stomach pains. And the headaches are not as often either.

Leia posted 3/7/2014 20:56 PM

I'm 5 weeks out from my DDay. I'm playing "antidepressant roulette" trying to figure out what works best for me. That is helping with the shakes and the sweats. If you can, see your doctor or an IC to help with all of this stuff.

mof2 posted 3/7/2014 21:09 PM

A few people here said 3-4 months and I agree. Mine was about around that time. It is all part of the grieving process. It may not feel like it now, but you will get past the denial and get into the next step.

I wish I could give you a big hug right now. I know it hurts and understand the "internal" pain that you are feeling. Please just breathe through it and you WILL make it through every breath.

Keep reaching out here and know that we are all here for you. Ugh.....I remember this part and how hard it was and wish I had a time machine to pull those of you who just found out into the bright future you all have in front of you!!!! HUGS!!!!!!

hecheatedonme posted 3/8/2014 15:54 PM

It has been 10 months since I found out. I've lost 50 pounds and I don't sleep well. I now can't lift my left arm above my shoulder because of extreme stress. My physical therapist says the pain is strictly emotional - he doesn't know about the affair. I am a wreck and can't seem to heal. I hope you do, this is merciless.

burnedcanuckEMS posted 3/8/2014 16:11 PM

The first six months was the worst for me. I couldn't eat and lost thirty pounds very quickly. My hair also changed and went from straight to curly. After about six or seven months my hair started falling out and I became scared enough to see the doctor. He said it was stress alopecia and that it would come back. I lost at least half of my volume of hair. I had terror dreams for a good year, once my exH moved away they lessened, then he moved back and I suddenly started getting them again. A lot happened between Dday and now including a long winded conversation where he begged me back and I found the strength to tell him no. I also found it in my heart to forgive him but I will never forget the hell he put me through.

This June will be two years post Dday. I would say its been about nine months since the last terror dream (coincides with the big conversation day mentioned above). I have taken no antidepressants, just sleeping pills on occasion and numerous IC sessions. I walked daily last summer which was extremely therapeutic and i believe it really helped me.

This winter i have put about 15 lbs back on, bit I think I still look much better than when i was in the hell marriage.
Unlike the others though I look younger now by about ten years. My hair has come back thick, healthy and straight as it always has been! I am amazed at how much that sort of stress impacts the body!! And to add some hope, I can honestly say that my life now is better than ever. I haven't dated in nearly a year and I have focused on myself. I have travelled lots this year and I feel so free. There is life after all this. I hope you feel better soon.

HarveyW posted 3/8/2014 17:21 PM

It has been 4 weeks for me since I found out. The physical stuff has gotten a little better I guess. I can eat more (lost 20 lbs). Sleep is much better. Don't get through the night but better.
It all depends how strong you can be. I haven't been strong at all but I am realizing I have to be. For my own health and to have a chance to work to save my marriage.
Good luck.

stu23 posted 3/8/2014 21:26 PM

I just recently found out that my wife was having a sexual relationship with a guy the day I proposed to her. This happened a number of years ago but the recent revelation by her to me has hit me very hard. I have lost weight since Iím not eating, and sleep, itís almost nonexistent. Having posted on this sight has been helpful. This is something I have no one to talk to regarding the emotional stress Iím under. So I strongly urge you to vent here. The suggestions given are very insightful. It has been almost 3 months and I'm as angry and physically sick now as the day I learned all the details. People at work have no idea what is going on in my life, except that I don't look good physically. I try to keep up appearances, but the days I don't shave or iron my cloths, its clear something is happening to me. Please try and stay as strong as you can.

heforgotme posted 3/9/2014 08:22 AM

At 16 months out, I still don't sleep well. I startle awake many times during the night.

For the last few months I have been able to talk about the A without shaking.

Please try to take care of yourself. It will make permanent damage less likely.

Hang in there....

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