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Newest Member: Saad (61538)

User Topic: feeling inadequate
♀ 42621
Member # 42621
Default  Posted: 6:44 PM, March 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know (although I don't always feel it) that the A was his shit and had nothing to do with me.

Sometimes I just can't help but feel inadequate. :(

My H is a tit guy. From the time we met he told me about his ex, who is also the OW, and how huge her tits were. I've seen them from the pictures that she sent them.

A particular message he sent to her always comes into my head.
WH said, "show me your tits"
OW replied, "look at your wife's"
WH response, "I see those everyday and want something better."

We've talked about that particular message and he says it wasn't about me, he only really wanted her to send a picture. That might be true but it still makes me feel so inadequate. Sigh...

Posts: 84 | Registered: Feb 2014
♀ 42185
Member # 42185
Default  Posted: 6:49 PM, March 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry that you had to see that, soloney.
As if the A weren't enough, right? There is a particular email exchange between my H and OW that kills me too. It wasn't about my physical appearance, but instead OW was gloating how she was texting me and my H called her gutsy. Nice. What a pair of assholes.

Just remember that you aren't the one who abandoned your morals. That automatically makes you so much more beautiful than that OW.

BW, D-Day: 11/29/13 (4 month EA discovered); 12/19/13 (discovered was also PA); TT thru 2/14
Married: 2001; Together for 20 years
2 beautiful young kids

Posts: 894 | Registered: Jan 2014
♀ 41761
Member # 41761
Default  Posted: 7:11 PM, March 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel your pain! That just plain way around it.

My WBF said that part of the intrigue of the OW was that she had a large lovely. But guess what...those things fade.

I know that he is probably just saying this to make me feel better (or maybe its true, either way I'll take it), but WBF said that OW boobs ended up being a huge disappointment because as soon as she took off her bra, her boobs sagged soooo much. YAY for A-cup perky boobs!! lol

It doesn't make you inadequate. There's always going to be someone "better looking" or with bigger boobs, better skin, hair, doesn't matter. Your WH lacked morals. Simple as that. It doesn't make you less of a person, it makes HIM less of a Man.

And just as Veronique12 said - You are a much more beautiful person that OW (as am I!!) because you have morals and wouldn't stoop to that level. You are beautiful!

[This message edited by 4everfaithful83 at 7:12 PM, March 6th (Thursday)]

Always know if the juice is worth the squeeze...

ME: 33
WBF: 30
Together 10 years
1 doggie, 1 Cat
DDay: June 24, 2013
IN R...Working at it every day.

Posts: 818 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
♀ 42534
Member # 42534
Default  Posted: 7:26 PM, March 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have read so many conversations between myWH and his OW. It's enough to make me feel inadequate in every way! She had better boobs, a better ass, a better vagina, a better brain....seemed like everything was better. Then he woke up...she was better because she is 20 years younger, lives far away, has no children, and knows nothing of my WH's hemorrhoids, nervous habits and work stress. The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. Remember, you are more then adequate, he is inadequate for you! That's what I tell myself everyday!

Married: 13 years, Together: 15 years
Kids: daughter 12, son 9
Dday: January 10, 2014
Trying to reconcile!

Posts: 25 | Registered: Feb 2014
♀ 42581
Member # 42581
Default  Posted: 7:37 PM, March 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry. After reading that I can see how it would be difficult for you to believe he thinks yours are enough. I don't have any advice. ((soloney)) hugs from the small boobie club

DD-March 2010

Posts: 5434 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: United States
♀ 39551
Member # 39551
Default  Posted: 7:39 PM, March 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel that way CONSTANTLY.

Until I see someone gorgeous who has been cheated on, someone spectacular...then I remember, its not about that.

And if I, a loyalhonesttrustworthylovingbeing, am inadequate, what does that make a cheating ahole?

Posts: 557 | Registered: Jun 2013
♀ 39850
Member # 39850
Default  Posted: 8:13 PM, March 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel your pain. I read a facebook message between xwBF and his brother where he said that he cheated on me and slept with OW because she was hot. She's a model. So while I was trying R, that played through my head constantly. Why wasn't I hot enough for him, etc, etc.

Yes, she is physically more attractive than me if you just consider looks. But, my personality put with my looks makes me overall more attractive than she is.

So, her boobs are bigger than yours. Big boobs are not all that they're cracked up to be. There's a lot of outfits that I can't wear (like strapless dresses) because of my boobs. I bet you're able to wear a lot of outfits that she can't. I'm always jealous of girls I see with small boobs. And, that conversation makes her sound like a very unattractive person overall. And then also... I presume that your H chose your boobs over hers since he's still with you instead of her!

Posts: 1758 | Registered: Jul 2013
♂ 42216
Member # 42216
Wink  Posted: 10:11 PM, March 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, this coming from a BS, I had to ask my fww what size hers were when we got married. Size wasn't a factor obviously. Some of us guys don't care, because they are all attractive. Its not a criteria for judgement or fidelity IMHO.
And BTW, they were 36B


Me: Older than dirt
FWW 63
DD 8/1990 She confessed to a 2 month ea/pa
Asked forgiveness but volunteered to leave. No way was I going to give her the boot

The eight most feared words used together in the English language: We need to talk. Th

Posts: 88 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Utah
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 1:07 AM, March 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I so.understand the inadequate feelings. My ws liked the attitude of the ow. Smartass, sarcastic..he always makes comments about actresses that play a role like that. Everytime he says, man (insert actress name) cuz she has that "fuck you" attitude. What I hear is, I'm thinking.of ow. I'm not like that, never have been. I asked him one time, why he acts pissy if I make a smart ass comment but yet he's attracted to women that do. He told me, ya I love that but I don't want my wife to do it. Wtf is that??
Your not inadequate, he married you and your boobies. He was just trying to get a pic of a big pair. It still hurts though.
Been with him over half my life
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank

Posts: 5738 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
♀ 42486
Member # 42486
Default  Posted: 6:49 AM, March 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

small boobies too..even smaller now...but do feel inadequate, she is blonde, pretty, good health, sporty, the one thing i don't get is she has big deal for me..but when our eldest son got some my WH went MAD, he hates i think it does'nt matter about things like that anymore, although I think i will always feel not quite good enough....common feeling i guess

me BS 57
Him WS 56
Married 37 years 2 sons 5 grandchildren

Posts: 735 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: France
♂ 41347
Member # 41347
Default  Posted: 7:32 AM, March 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There are something's I just don't want to know about the affair because they can cripple any hope to R. Those comments are a big blow to your self esteem but as everyone has pointed out to you he is the one who is inadequate.

Makes you think. In the beginning when my WW told me she had sex with both OM I said I don't have anything to offer you. She said it's not about looks. She said it's how you treat someone. I get that but it doesn't less-ing the blow.

But with that remark it made me think. What does she have to offer me, character wise and sexually. Using her own words against her she treated me like crap because of her brokenness.

I have a lot to offer. Remember that you too have a lot to offer and you should be appreciated the way you are. I have a rule in my house that my wife or daughters don't work makeup because they are naturally beautiful.

I am the wandering samurai, and I found my freedom...

Posts: 1045 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Maryland
Topic Posts: 11

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