This is a completely selfish me, me, me post.
Feeling down and very lonely tonight, tucked up in bed with my dog Ebony.
Been a tough few weeks, been down quite a bit, had tough times in work due to bullying and other childish stuff which up till recently I've coped well with, had the consent order agreed at court giving me the house and confirming I keep the other two which is great but big financial responsibilities... (XWW gets a dresser and a lamp and that's it, no cash at all!) oh and a £4500 solicitors bill..
Thing is I wish I wasn't alone anymore. Just want to be cuddled up with someone right now talking about how I'm feeling, someone for support who isn't my mum or dad, someone who doesn't lick my face early hours of the morning when she wants to go out for a wee!
I miss XWW, miss DD, was her 4th birthday last week, miss coming home to a kiss and a cuddle, miss being part of a team and working towards our families future.
Scared I'll be alone forever and have no one in my life, wife or children when I get older and am a little infirm and frail or ill. Silly thing is, the thought of ever falling for someone again scares the life out of me.
Wish I could see the future to know wether there is even any point in ever getting out of bed again as right now it seems like a whole load of wasted effort
Counselling isn't Fixing me at all and it finishes in 2 more sessions which scares me more than a little too!!
Sorry to vent, very negative man tonight...