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Knowing them too well...

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hitbyatruck posted 3/6/2014 22:06 PM

I always knew when something was off with H, almost always. You know, when your gut is screaming but then you think there is no way!

We are separated but in the same house. I have the feeling he is up to something, not sure what that something is but I KNOW.

I asked about it tonight. He didn't admit to anything. The rub comes from that I no longer have the right to ask. I shouldn't ask if he is gaming, using porn or whatever else BUT I DID ASK.

I feel like I am being gaslighted, I probably am but he doesn't owe me the answer. More so "none of my business" than gaslighted.

I know him, I know something is OFF. I hope he isn't diving into his prior vices, I still care about him. I want him to be a healthy person.

He explained this was all about the stress on him from changes at work that could greatly affect his income. Very true but I know there is something else.

I am not sure if I can stop caring when I notice changes in him. He is telling me that I am paranoid...

This is all hard and weird.

I do understand this is one of the many pitfalls of in-house separation. I get that but that is still the route I want to take.

lovehatelove posted 3/7/2014 01:18 AM

I do know what this feeling is like... it's so frustrating to just have this gut feeling that something isn't right... you HAVE to be right.. it's hard to shake that feeling...

I usually pester the crap out of WH to finally get it out of him... sometimes it can take days.... but it comes out eventually...

I'm assuming that it has to be a roller coaster ride of emotions on the wayward side also...

MrsDoubtfire posted 3/7/2014 02:00 AM

I would advise doing a complete 180.

If your in house S is because the M is over and you will eventually D then you really do need to back off as what he does now is no longer your priority.

If the S is because there still might be a chance of R then my advice will again be to back off. If your H only changes his actions and/or admits to something just because you've kept asking him it doesn't bode well for your future. He needs to be transparent and able to confess if he ever gets tempted by porn or whatever is his drug of choice. You need to be able to establish- prior to any R- that he can do this. If you keep asking you will never know that he is capable.

I guess it's hard when you're under the same roof but I'm also guessing the S is in place for a very good reason.

hitbyatruck posted 3/7/2014 08:11 AM

He admitted to "Talking" to someone. Really? I told him mid January that I wanted to separate. Not even two months have gone by and he is talking to somebody. He says it is just a friend but he needs to have conversation with her.

I probably did everything I shouldn't have. Told him why this is a terrible idea so soon after separation. Told him how he needs to heal and grow as a person before he drags someone else into the picture.

I asked if the girl knew she was just "someone to talk to". He said he didn't know. YOU DONT KNOW???

I don't know who to feel more bad for, her or him? But I guess she knows what she is getting into. He is so defensive. So thinking this is perfectly fine for him.

Why did I think that he could actually take the road of self growth? Why did I think he would actually get into IC to deal with the porn, gaming and separation???

I do want him to be healthy in mind.

BUT I guess it comes down to that it really isn't any of my business. Move fwd from here, right? 180 for my own good and his. He doesn't need me telling him he is going about this all wrong. My thoughts do not matter to him anyway.

I will admit that I had moments of hope for us. We were getting along so well before this. I thought taking the pressure off of both of for a while may help us. He just showed me again that I am silly to think that.

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